To Feel
by blackrose113
Summary: Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. 'Why didn't I notice before...' Kakashi’s desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness. KakaSaku REVISING
1. Chapter 1

**REVISED**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't sue.

**Summary: **He had promised never to fail his teammates. And he wouldn't now. So if this was what it took to make her feel…he would do it. KakaSaku

**To Feel**

Sakura tilted her head and fixed her gaze on her sensei's face, the shadows of the mask playing between black and gray, just as his hair did with silver and white and ash. She shifted her eyes away from him and lifted her hands into the air, staring at the sky through the spaces between her fingers.

She was supposed to be doing push-ups right now. Supposed to be working on her stamina and training to at least _try_ and catch up with the former nin of Team 7. It was no use, though. She'd never be in the same league as them. Naruto and Sasuke were sparring; use of the _chidori_, _rasengan_, _sharingan_, or the _Kyuubi's_ power were prohibited in an attempt to save the training grounds from destruction.

Kakashi was reading the latest volume of Icha Icha Paradise, perched in a tree branch some meters away. Sakura sighed and turned her eyes back to the sky, lowering her hands. Surprisingly, Kakashi's masked face looked down at her from above and his dirty reading material was nowhere in sight. Sakura sluggishly moved her head to look at the _Kawarimi_ that poofed into a log, and then her eyes wandered back to the real Kakashi standing before her.

"Nng?"

"You should be training right now."

Sakura shrugged, wincing as a rock dug into her shoulder at the movement, "It won't help. I won't catch up no matter how much I train. I'm too far behind." _'Too weak.'_

Kakashi glared at her and frowned, his irritation at her words obvious through the mask, "Get to work. You still have 172 pushups left. After that is today's training exercise. You need to be able to fight sufficiently even if you can't see."

Sakura didn't move from her position on the floor, but stuck her hands back into the air. There was something strangely relaxing about studying the patches of blue between one's fingers. Kakashi felt anger welling up within his chest and he wrapped his long, tapered fingers around her wrist, yanking her up with a surprised gasp from her.

The anger wasn't exactly directed at Sakura. More at himself, actually. If he hadn't neglected her before…if he had _seen_ the hurt she felt each time she was protected by her teammates. Maybe she would still have that fire that had been in her five years ago, when their team was first formed. _'The weak need the most help.'_ If he had realized _that_ when she asked him to train her... He should've thought like a teacher, not a jounin fumbling to hold on to a last reminder of Obito, in blood or spirit.

Sakura looked tiredly at Kakashi as his eyes seemed to be intently focused on her, and she wrenched her arm away from him. Slowly, she got back to her knees and into push-up position and counted, "129…" she pushed herself back up, "130…131…132…133…"

'_Maybe if I sing a song or something in my head.'_

Sakura tried to dredge up old songs that perhaps her mother had sung to her when she was a kid. A lullaby, maybe? Her mother hadn't sung lullabies to her. She had always been away on missions. It had been her sister who had sung to her and fed her and bathed her. Her sister had taught her her first jutsu and how to read and add and subtract. But her sister was dead.

Sakura shook her head, wobbling slightly as the movement shook her balance on her toes and hands, and refused to think of such things. As if she didn't feel empty enough, she just needed to go searching for the hole in her heart that seemed to grow every time she thought of it. Nothing good would ever come of it.

"164…165…166….167…"

Sakura's breath had hitched somewhere in the 150s and her counting had been little more than a whisper from then until just now. He hadn't missed the sharp breaths that could have indicated either tears or tiredness from the push-ups. _'She must just be…tired. Tired. Just tired.'_

Sakura continued on her grueling task and barely acknowledged Sasuke's cry of surprise and Kakashi's yell of "AND NO SUMMONS!" as she went up and down, up and down and up, and down and up and down and up, down and up, and down and up and up...

She felt herself become slightly dizzy as her mind distorted the tempo of the pushups and she paused as her arms straightened, _'Just up and down.'_

When Kakashi dismissed Naruto and Sasuke from training, Sakura stopped her push-ups—she still hadn't yet finished them—and dusted the dirt from her palms. Kakashi's voice cut into the silence. "No, Sakura. Training's _not_ over for you yet. Not until you're done with your push-ups and you finish today's exercises.

If looks could kill…Sakura would have so little faith in her skills that she wouldn't even attempt glaring daggers at Kakashi. As it was, and as looks couldn't kill, she was still too _dead_ to do anything but sigh resignedly. She winced as her knee hit a thorned twig and raised them from the ground when she straightened her knees. Up and down again.

The sun had just begun to set when Sakura had finally finished her push-ups and she paused to stare at the firey colors streaked across the sky. Kakashi walked up to her and removed her hitai-ate only to tie it around her eyes. "Try and find me. I'll be using the bells," and with that, there was only a soft breeze as he leapt away, presumably into a tree. Sakura heard the bells to her left and she moved towards it, falling down and scraping her palms when her foot hooked onto the log that was by her feet.

Tears pooled at her eyes and the absorbent cloth of her hitai-ate soaked it in. _'Disgusting. This thing soaks up my sweat and now it's over my eyes.'_

Sakura picked herself up again and listened for the light tinkling of the bells, which soon came from behind her. She swung her arm out and felt her fingertips brush the soft cloth of Kakashi's sleeve. She felt like screaming. This wasn't _teaching_ her _anything!_ There had to be some sort of skill to this!

"Open your other senses, Sakura!"

Another ring. She shuffled over to the sound, careful to keep her balance when she nearly tripped over another log. Another wave of tears. _'Ok. Alright there _has_ to be a trick to this! Something…some way of detecting what's in my way. It's not just listening. I can use that to locate _him,_ but what about everything else here?'_

_-0-_

_Chakra is the mystical energy that all living creatures contain. In the human world, chakra is collected in the greatest amount in humans. Ninjas perform hand seals to mold their chakra into the designs needed to perform a specific jutsu. Some objects are good for conduction chakra, such as…_

_-0-_

There! If she could sense the chakra of the living things around her…but what about the rocks? And dirt? Sakura was stumped for a full minute before it dawned on her, _'Bacteria!'_

She closed her eyes, despite not being able to see, anyways, and concentrated her energy on sensing the chakra of others. She felt the soft pulse of chakra and stumbled forward, her arms stretched out in front of her to prevent her from slamming into any trees just in case, and she sent a kick at the jingling sound that Kakashi gave off.

The kick didn't connect, obviously, and she continued sensing the chakra of her surroundings. This game of blinded cat and sly mouse continued until the sun had fully set and the stars and moon were easily distinguishable from the velvet of the night sky.

Kakashi, before she could even sense him behind her, had removed her hitai-ate from her eyes and replaced it on her head. He was feet away when she realized what happened. Figuring that training was done, Sakura crossed her arms and turned away to the direction of her house and began walking.

"When did I say that training was done?"

Sakura froze where she was and felt more tears prick at her eyes. Why her! Why was he picking on her _now!_ Why was he training her now…now when she was hopeless. "What do you want, sensei?"

Kakashi was slightly taken aback by the cold tone of her voice and the formality of her addressing him as 'sensei', but he remained calm. "You're training's not done, Sakura. Naruto and Sasuke finished so they could leave. You have _not_ finished, so you may _not_ leave."

Sakura turned her uninterested eyes to her sensei and shrugged, "Whadda you want me to do now?"

The voice was almost mocking. The venom behind her words was obvious, though. She was asking, _'_Why_ do you want me to do this now.'_ Kakashi wanted to flinch. And here he had failed another of his teammates. Instead of flinching, though, as he wanted to, he crouched and put his fists up, "Just a simple spar. Between teacher and student." He felt her eyes light with scornful laughter as she stood slouched, her arms now hanging limply at her sides.

"Whatever will be best for my training, _sensei."_

Kakashi's visible eye narrowed and before she even knew he had moved, a fist was coming at her face. She half heartedly tried to avoid it and fell to the ground in a heap when it connected with her cheek. Kakashi was almost panicking. She was supposed to dodge it!

Sakura didn't get up for two full minutes. When she finally did, she swayed on her feet and licked the blood that dripped from her mouth where she had bit herself from the force of the blow. Kakashi waited for her to attack him, and when she didn't, he flung four shuriken at her to dodge. This time she did, but one of the flying metal stars grazed her arm.

It went on for some time. Kakashi attacking with such easy moves that a genin should be able to counter, and Sakura barely being able to avoid the brunt of each hit. It was well past dinner time when he finally decided to stop this…masochistical _game._

"Is training over, sensei?"

Kakashi didn't answer. He just removed the shuriken and kunai from the target that Naruto had used to improve his aim earlier that day.

"Is training over?"

Kakashi spun to stare at his student—if he even had the right to _call_ her that—directly in the eye and he was surprised, to say the least, to see a blank look staring out at him. A dead look. Where had all that fire and passion gone? It couldn't have extinguished just because she gave up Sasuke as a romantic interest…could it?

No. She had been happy for some months after that.

Maybe…maybe a mind game, for this girl in front of him. This girl that he could never have claimed to know. This _stranger_ that he was seeing for the first time. Kakashi's eye met hers for a split second before he pushed Sakura against a tree trunk and his palms slammed into the wood next to her head, splintering it. His body was flush against hers. Her eyes had widened and he felt her heart rate speed up.

There! A spark of excitement. Of life. So his Sakura was somewhere there inside of this shell that had been masquerading as his pupil for the past seven months.

Kakashi pushed against her body harder and lowered his face to her ear, which he breathed on heavily despite the mask, "What's wrong, Sakura? I thought you liked training. I thought you wanted to get _stronger."_

This should've hit a nerve. It didn't. The light that had been in Sakura's eyes slowly faded and he saw the hole of despair she had dug herself into. Kakashi moved his hands to her shoulders, then let them slide down to her waist and her hips. The spark was back. If this was what it took to bring _her_ back…it was worth it.

Time didn't slow. No sounds were muted and no shooting star flew above head. No romance in the air at all.

His lips crashed down on hers—she didn't even know how he got that damned mask off—and molded with them. Sakura felt heat coursing through her body and she gasped at the sensations she felt, allowing Kakashi to take advantage of her parted lips.

Throughout this, Kakashi had kept his eyes open and the emotions that were displayed across Sakura's face were enough to satisfy him, so he closed his eyes and let himself fall into the pleasure that inevitably encompassed both of them.

'_If this is what it takes to make her feel…'_

-0-

**Revised: 4.4.06 **


	2. Chapter 2

**REVISED**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't sue.

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness.

**A/N:** I've just gone over my favorites list and realized where the inspiration for this story came from. 'The Butterfly' by Tea Leaf!

**And perhaps I should warn you. I'll be skipping around, timewise. There will always be clues to her age, though.**

-0-

**To Feel: Chapter 2**

The bright sunlight hurt Sakura's swollen, red eyes and mocked her with its cheerfulness. Cheerfulness that she felt she'd never experience again. She sniffed and hugged herself tighter, hoping that her own arms could support her and stop her from falling to the ground as her legs threatened to do.

'_This isn't fair…she—this just isn't fair!'_

She rubbed away the tears that ran tracks down her face and finally fled, ignoring the turning heads that would have unnerved her a month ago. Sakura collapsed in a heap and curled herself into a ball, _'NOT FAIR!'_

The wind blew by lightly, twirling her hair around its invisible fingers and cooling her skin. It was the perfect day.

"NOT FAIR!"

She trembled and she yanked at her locks, wishing that she had been better. Then maybe circumstances would be different…her face contorted in pain and she pounded the ground with her fists. In all her self pity, she hadn't noticed the dejected boy brooding some feet away as he glared at his feet.

A voice cut through the silence.

"You think your life's unfair?" Derision was obvious in his voice. "As if you know how badly things could be pitted against you." But it was a simple statement. No yelling or screaming…how controlled he must be. Barely ten and reigning in his emotions, cold face matching cold voice, contradicting the turbulent eyes he hadn't yet learned to freeze.

Sakura hiccupped as she started, and she felt anger welling in her heart. It wasn't fair it wasn't fair…and here he—some stranger—was saying that it _was_ fair? That she _deserved_ to die? Heartless. Unfeeling. She hated him already. Sakura stumbled to her feet, feigning weakness and she made small steps toward the voice; she slowly raised her head towards the speaker and moved her arm back.

Then punched him.

Sasuke cried out and clutched his cheek glaring at the pink haired girl in front of him, "What's wrong with you!" Sakura ignored his question and tackled him to the ground; she proceeded to pull his hair, scratch his face, punch his stomach and pound on his chest, all the while shrieking in anger. "YOU MEAN PERSON! I HATE YOU! YOU THINK IT'S FAIR THAT SHE DIED! YOU THINK IT'S FAIR! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Sasuke finally managed to escape the rabid girl's grasps and held a hand over his bruised stomach, coughing and rubbing his split lip. He glared at the girl and screamed right back, the pent up emotion that had been slowly building for weeks and weeks. "WELL YOU DON'T KNOW HOW UNFAIR THINGS CAN BE! MY WHOLE CLAN WAS KILLED! YOU'RE PROBABLY COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR STUPID PET DOG THAT DIED BECAUSE YOU FORGOT TO FEED IT!"

Ache.

Sakura's wails became louder and she ran after the ten year old boy, picking up sticks and rocks and throwing them at him. "I HATE YOU!" She fell to her well scraped knees and pulled her legs close to her, rocking back and forth. She seemed to have withdrawn into herself and she ignored Sasuke, who was tentatively watching her from some twenty feet away.

"I hate you I hate you. I hate you." She was mumbling to herself, but her words carried across the quiet grounds to Sasuke. "I hate you, nee-chan. You weren't…weren't supposed to die. You should've run! I HATE YOU! Why'd you _leave_ me! How am I supposed to fight off the bullies and, and who's gonna bake me cookies and teach me and play with me!"

Sasuke inched closer to the hysterical nine year old and watched her with unpitying eyes.

"You only lost one person?" More curiosity than scorn. "I lost my whole clan." Regret. Anger. Hate.

Sakura sniffed and glanced at him. Her heart cried out for the pain she felt, to be soothed. Her heart felt the pull of an akin heart, of identical pain. She slowly crawling over and took his hand in hers, holding it close to her sternum. His eyes widened and she yanked him down, making him sit, and huddled with him.

Her heart was akin to his. His pain was identical to hers. Two of a kind. Sakura wrapped her arms around his shoulders and placed his around hers, and she slowly let her tears out.

"It's alright to cry, nee-chan said. She said that even the skies cry sometimes. That's why it rains. But now nee-chan's quiet." So unbearably quiet. "Now nee-chan doesn't say anything anymore." They were just echoes in Sakura's head. "Nee-chan's buried in the ground now." She watched them do it. "And I wonder. Will she know when the skies cry anymore?"

Sasuke wondered at her words and realized how cold he had felt before, despite the sun's rays. It was warmer now. Because they were one and the same. He hugged the girl closer and found the body heat to be comforting. Because she felt his pain. Because she felt no pity. Because she truly understood. "Why doesn't the sky cry now? Isn't it sad that she's dead? That they're dead? My sister and your clan? Why doesn't the sky cry now…"

Sakura's words fell on deaf ears and Sasuke, though he was young, was reluctant to let tears escape his eyes. His eyes were just barely open and he slowly watched a bug crawl up a blade of grass.

"_Emotions are weak, Sasuke. Look at Itachi! Look at his face! That is the perfect shinobi!"_

"Tou-sama said that tears are for the weak. That emotions are for the weak. Am I…weak, then?"

Sakura hiccupped and clung tighter to Sasuke's shirt. "No one can see. Even if they're weak no one can see."

Sasuke didn't answer, but let a few tears bleed down his slightly scratched up face. The two children held each other until Sasuke's foster parents came and Sakura's biological ones came. They never even knew each others' name.

-0-

Sakura furrowed her large brow when she saw a dark haired boy sitting in the classroom. Because of the bullying problems, she had been transferred to a different class—one that she'd stay in for the next two years of the academy.

'_He…he looks a lot like the kid I met _that_ day,'_ she thought, walking closer to him. She squinted. "Sasuke-kun!" Ino's voice cut through the air, and time, which had seemed to slow down the moment Sakura set her eyes on Sasuke, sped up and she blinked.

Sasuke 'hn-ed' her, but Ino continued bugging him to no avail. Sakura felt annoyance well as she watched Ino stand so close to him. So close… Ino finally came stomping over to Sakura and huffed angrily. "Shikamaru's too lazy, Chouji doesn't know how to do it, and Sasuke won't help me! Just _how_ am I supposed to learn how to throw multiple shuriken and kunai right if no one'll help teach me!"

After her explosion, she plopped herself in the seat next to Sakura and let her head fall onto the desk. "You wanna come over to my house, Sakura-chan? I can teach you flower arranging, ne?" Ino grinned happily at her best friend, her past anger seemingly forgotten.

That was the week that Sakura had returned the red ribbon that Ino had given her as a present the year before, when her sister had been unable to fend off the bullies due to being six feet under. _'Good bye, Ino.'_

Sakura didn't know what had come over her. She just knew that she couldn't stand Ino speaking to Sasuke. The jealousy that she felt and refused to acknowledge pushed her to act impulsively. Because Sakura was sure to be overshadowed by her loud, blonde friend when it was imperative that Sasuke notice _her._ He needed to see _her._ He needed to like _her._

'_Why…does he matter so much?'_

It wasn't for another three years that Sakura realized Sasuke had been the boy she met at her sister's funeral. It wasn't for another three years that she realized _why_ exactly she felt drawn to Sasuke. It wasn't until she found out about their previous connection that she realized her love for him and confessed it the night Sasuke had betrayed the Leaf. And it wasn't for three years after her confession, that she discovered that Sasuke was not the boy she had comforted when she was nine, and that she had been in love with an illusion of the past for years. _That_ day, she finally let go of Sasuke.

-0-

Sakura woke to the sound of the shower running—water pelting the hard tile of the shower stall. She tiredly closed her eyes and hugged the navy comforter closer around her partially clothed form and yawned. She had to admit…_ 'I didn't get much sleep last night.'_

The water was turned off and Kakashi emerged from the bathroom, one towel draped loosely around his hips and rubbing another one to dry his drooping hair. He grinned at her and she stared for a second, drinking in the sight, before letting a shy smile grace her lips.

"Good morning."

"…hi."

Kakashi rummaged through his drawers and pulled out his clothes, returning to the bathroom to dress. He came out still drying his hair with his mask hanging around his neck. Sakura had gotten out of bed and gotten her black shorts and red dress on; she still needed to zip up her dress.

Kakashi walked over and kissed her lightly on the lips, one hand zipping up her dress for her as he stared into her eyes. There was a special light in her eyes. One that hadn't been there some six months ago, when he had started this…experiment. He mentally frowned, feeling the churning of guilt in his gut as he realized that that was all this was. _'An experiment.'_ One to help her, for sure, but still an experiment.

Was it right? He wasn't sure what, exactly, Sakura thought of their exchanges, but he wasn't about to ask her. That would undo all the progress that she had gone through. She participated more in training and even initiated conversations—something she had previously avoided.

Sakura slid her arms around Kakashi's waist and moved her arms upwards, hugging his body close to hers. She just needed to feel his heart beat, the pulse of his blood and the slow rhythm of his breathing. _'Just need to know this is real just need to know _I'm_ real I _matter_ he _cares.' Her thoughts were jumbled and incoherent—rantings and ravings of a falling mind.

Kakashi breathed in her scent and closed his eyes, wondering when it had happened that the feel of _her_ body would send his mind into overdrive. _'Anyone else…but only _her._ Anyone else but I only want _her.' The confusing thoughts chased themselves around in his head, creating even more of a mess of the situation than was already there. Why did he suddenly feel this way with her?

The light of dawn fell on the two close figures. She often hugged him. It seemed as if that reassured her more than the kisses and soft touches. Just a hug was enough. Someone to hold.

Sakura pulled away—not before giving Kakashi a kiss on the cheek—and picked up her things. She would take a shower at her house as usual, and then head over to headquarters, where she would see if she had missions.

-0-

She entered her house through the front door and headed up the stairs to her bedroom, which had a bathroom connected to it. Her parents were still downstairs. Sakura tossed her clothes into the hamper and jumped into the shower, washing quickly before coming out again and dressing. When she entered the kitchen, her parents were glaring at her.

"And where have you been, young lady?"

She seemed hardly fazed, "Out."

Her father slammed the newspaper on the table, "And with who!" he growled angrily, his face twisted in a frown. Battle hardened hands were gripped tightly into fists. Sakura stared at him, "Does it matter? You'd yell at me all the same."

Her mother's face was slowly reddening, giving her usually pale complexion red splotches mainly centered around the cheeks. Her voice was trembling with anger and her hand gripped the seat of the chair so hard her knuckles turned white, "Haruno Sakura your father and I _demand_ to know where you've been! Why are you out all the time! This is the fourth time this month! Did we do something wrong? Is this some sick form of punishment? It will be something _you_ regret more! What if you get pregnant! You sister would never—"

Kumiko suddenly froze, mid rant, and both she and her husband stared at Sakura, waiting for her reaction. The inevitable reaction for bringing up such a taboo subject. For bringing up something she had shoved deep in her mind, away from consciousness. Sakura's eyes had widened and her gaze was set intently on her mother. Blood pounded in her ears and her breathing turned shallow…then turned away. "I was at Kakashi-sensei's. He taught me some new jutsus from the scrolls he has. You can ask him if you want."

Sakura was out the door before her parents could reply. The wind whipped her shoulder length hair into her face and she shoved her hands into the pocket of her jacket and kept her eyes to her feet. She could vaguely make out greetings to her, but she couldn't be sure. Nothing was sure anymore.

All she could hear was the blood, still pounding in her ears, and rushing to heat her face and neck and ears. _'Nee-chan would never do that…never get close to her sensei. Never let the pressure get to her. Never break let alone crack. Never fail. Never need to be saved. Nee-chan would never hide or die. But she did die. She never would. So I can be with Kakashi-sensei. So if she died I can fail and I can break and I can hide and die and crack and fall and scream and yell and….Because she died. She never died. So I can die.'_

**-0-**

**Revised: 4.4.06**


	3. Chapter 3

**REVISED**

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't sue.

**A/N:** I've just gone over my favorites list and realized where the inspiration for this story came from. 'The Butterfly' by Tea Leaf!

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness.

**A lot of you said you were confused about the time skips. Somewhere in the section, it will ALWAYS SAY HER AGE, or else it will be obvious that it is in the present. I don't like writing the outcome of the story first and then going back to tell the story, but I wanted to add a little twist to this story, so I started at the beginning of the KakaSaku relationship and then at the beginning of her fall.**

Sometimes Sakura just felt like burrowing under her covers and never coming out. Sometimes she felt like life just wasn't worth living. Today was one such day. So when her alarm clock went off she threw it at the wall, absently wondering how angry her parents would be when they saw it.

Her mother and father had already left for work. She knew this because this was one of those rare days when they'd come into her room and kiss her good bye. That hadn't happened in years. When eight thirty rolled by, Sakura was still snuggled up to her security teddy bear with her eyes firmly shut.

When she finally did wake up, her mood was no better than before. She went downstairs and grabbed a bowl of instant udon and heated it up, carefully bringing it back upstairs and sliding it under her Earth Country styled bed. It was raised off the ground with two feet below the frame—somewhere easy to hide in.

Sakura grabbed her diary, a white, satin-covered book that her parents had given her years ago, and wiggled under the bed. After turning her flashlight on, she began to read.

_Memories. Memories. Memories._

So much time had passed since she got it. She didn't remember why, not at all, why she had stopped writing.

She read of the night her father had brought her sister back to them—he had gone into hiding after making some rather nasty enemies on a mission, and taken her sister with him when he left. Of course, Ryou returned when he believed it was safe, but the three-year absence had taken a toll on Saukra. He should've known better than to leave an impregnated wife behind for years at a time and allow his second child to be born father-less.

_I'm soooooo glad that I haf an onee-chan now! Now, even when kaa-san's busy, Ill have sumwon to play with! Onee-chan already promissd that she wuhld show me how to throw a kunay right!_

Age four. Her writing was terrific compared to most other toddlers, who couldn't write at all. Sakura wiped the tears away and felt a laugh bubbling in her throat as she read of her sister dabbling in different types of dance. She, herself, had only been six years old.

_Nee-chan can't dance at all! She knocked a vase over with her fans. Kaa-san was angry when she found out! Nee chan tried to use a henge to cover it up, but kaa-san saw through it easily. Nee-chan got a hard spanking._

Her sister, though a slightly above par shinobi, had no skills whatsoever in dance. Her teacher had sighed in exasperation after yet another fan was broken when it hit the wall during practice, and nearly kicked her sister out of the class. Her sister had opted to quit, instead, to focus on her shinobi studies.

'_What happened to her?'_

She had died on a mission. Died on a mission. A gnawing in Sakura's gut developed as she thought back to her sister's disappearance, but she ignored it. The eleven-year-old's foot hit the bottom of her bed frame as it swayed and she bit back a curse at the throbbing pain in her ankle now.

_I HATE SCHOOL!_

Ah yes. Age eight. The height of the teasing.

_I HATE SCHOOL AND I HATE ALL THE KIDS TOO! They always make fun of me for my big forehead. It's not fair! Their foreheads are just unnaturally small! And that stupid Naruto kid hanging around me doesn't help my reputation either. Kaa-san and Tou-san don't like him. They were so happy when we weren't in the same class, but he always hangs around me during lunch and stuff. He's so loud!_

_Even the clothes he wears are loud! Who wears orange anymore? But maybe I don't just because it'd clash with my hair. Stupid hair. I can't believe I got kaa-san's hair and tou-san's forehead. The kids are so mean._

_One girl threw a rock at me! She said she needed a target to practice her aim on, and when I told Iruka-sensei, she said that my forehead was too big a target for her to practice on anyways. She said everyone could hit it without even having to aim!_

_Mizuki-sensei ate lunch with me, though. He was nice. He said that they were just jealous that I was top of my class. It got kinda annoying, though, because he kept on looking over at Naruto. What's so special about him! No one likes him._

Sakura felt satisfaction that she could've noticed such things three years ago, when she was a mere eight years old. She flipped forward a bit, stopping one of the last written pages and leaning her head on her arm to relax her neck.

_Tou-sama and Kaa-sama were really angry when they found out I didn't do too well on my stamina test. They started yelling at me, and when nee-chan tried to help me, she got yelled at too. They called her a failure for losing the fight at the chuunin finals. She still became a chuunin though! Nee-chan didn't cry, though. I've never seen her cry. Even though she says crying is good, she never cries. I think she's just trying to make me feel better._

Sakura's heart seemed to stop when she read the first few lines of the entry. It was…that night. The night she disappeared. Inner Sakura struggled against the torrent of memories that threatened to flood her host's senses, and it was mere force of will that gave her the strength to hold them back.

_I kinda wish she hadn't become chuunin, though. Now she's always off on missions. When I told her, Nee-chan got all sad, but said she'd take me to the park. Kaa-sama and tou-sama had gone out because they were angry._

There was a tickling at the back of Sakura's mind—one that she was now conscious of. It seemed…malicious…desperate. Sakura slammed the book shut and breathed heavily through her nostrils, trying to calm her racing heart. Whatever memory was trying to surface, her mind wanted to shut it out. Keep it in the depths of her soul where no one would see it. No one needed to see it.

Sakura rested her forehead on the soft cloth cover and laid her cheek on the cool surface. She then propped herself up on her elbows and started to wolf down the instant udon, a favorite of her sister's. The salty soup splashed onto her face as she sucked a noodle up into her mouth and she wiped it away with the back of her hand.

Being nowhere near as smart as Sakura, Sakura's sister had spent much time studying, where her only meal was an instant noodle bowl.

'_Now I know why I haven't read my diary in years. I've never gotten past that point. There's something there…something I don't want to remember. Something I don't _need_ to remember.'_

Sakura slurped up the last, fat noodle and pushed it out from under her bed. She then settled on her side to watch small dust particles float down in the sunlight that filtered into her room. They glinted white when the light hit them at just the right angles.

'_Sorta like Kakashi's hair,'_ she would later realize later in life when she ran her fingers through the silky locks of grey.

-0-

When she was eight, the bullying had gotten worse. Her self esteem shattered, Sakura sat huddled near the art classroom with bruises and shallow cuts adorning her arms, legs, and face.

"How do you like that, forehead girl! I'll show _you_ never to use the brain in that oversized forehead of yours!"

Her perfect grades had angered some of the other kids, and the girl's parents had grounded her for not being top in the class. Another rock. Another round of laughs, one louder than the other. The laughs abruptly cut off and snarls of anger could be heard. Sakura didn't hear the new girl's words, but bully's response showed it must've been an insult.

"_Excuse_ me?"

A scoff. "I _said_ that you should take you and your third rate friends and go back to the slums of Konoha where you _belong_. I hear there's a swap meet this afternoon! The perfect place for you!"

Sakura expected the girl to scream and beat the new comer up, but she heard retreating footsteps and a yell, "We'll get you back for this, Yamanaka!"

"SWAP MEET!" snapped 'Yamanaka' and she turned to Sakura.

There was something tickling her arm. Sakura glanced up and found a white handkerchief being waved in front of her face. Following the pale white arm up, she saw it belonged to Ino Yamanaka—the most popular girl in school.

"Well, are you gonna take the handkerchief or what," her voice was soft and warm, despite the coldness of the words. Sakura nodded and took the cloth, pressing it to her dirty, tear stained face, "Thank you, Yamanaka-san."

Ino nodded and turned away, "Keep the hankie, Sakura-chan. And don't let them walk all over you. If you ever have a problem, you can come to me."

Sakura stared in wonder at the retreating female—she returned to her group of friends, all of whom Sakura assumed had backed Ino up while she was defending her. She was wearing a lavender sun dress with a yellow sash around her waist, and her hair was cropped short, at her chin. Sakura considered jumping to her feet and running to join Ino, but instead she brushed off her denim shorts and dirty white shirt. She wouldn't consider the offer again for another two years.

-0-

Sakura sighed and kicked the rocks on the dirt path, sending them tumbling to the side of the road. The sky was overcast today, and she squinted through the brightness of the clouds to catch a sliver of blue. She half expected her parents to come storming after her, but they remained in the house, stunned.

Sakura snorted angrily at their memory, _'It's not like I slept with the guy or anything!'_

She entered chuunin headquarters and walked up to her mailbox; after a small chakra filled tap, the door popped open and Sakura pulled out her mission scroll. She was, oddly enough, part of a treaty-bearing mission to the Hidden Village of Grass. _'Why would Tsunade-sama choose me for this? I've got no social skills to speak of. And she rejected me as an apprentice anyways…'_ Sakura's thoughts trailed off bitterly.

She shook the angry thoughts out of her head and checked to see whom the other nin on the team were. _'Kakashi-san, Sasuke-san, and Naruto-san? Team 7 hasn't been assigned a mission together for years. Why would she send such powerful shinobi for a diplomatic treaty mission? It just doesn't make sense.'_

Sakura gripped the scroll tightly and closed the door to her mailbox. She then headed off to the Hokage tower and approached Shizune's desk, clearing her throat nervously, "Um, is Tsunade-sama here? May I speak to her?"

Shizune looked up and smiled at Sakura, "Good morning Sakura! How are you! You're here to see Tsunade-sama? You got her at a good time. No previously arranged meetings, and if it's short, I'm sure she wouldn't mind seeing you."

Sakura flushed. She should've arranged an appointment. She nodded thankfully to Shizune, no smile on her face, and Sakura moved past her desk to knock on the Hokage's office door, missing Shizune's pity filled look directed at her back.

"Nng."

Sakura blinked and pushed the door open, sliding it shut behind her; she'd just take the groan as a 'Come in!'

Tsunade was passed out behind a pile of papers—oh, wait. Not passed out. Just severely hung over. Sakura nudged a sake bottle by her foot and realized it was empty, as were the other ones scattered across the room. "Ano, Tsunade-sama?"

Tsunade clutched her head and peered at Sakura over the tops of her paper, "Ah! Sakura-chan! Not so loud!"

Sakura nodded, and stepped closer, "I have a question, Tsunade-sama." Her voice was considerably softer now. "This new mission. There's no need for me to go. I would not come across as the most friendl—"

"Well then you'll have to work on that!" Tsunade cheerfully groaned (if that were possible) and she inwardly grimaced at her plan. _'If she knew the truth…but the point is that she _doesn't_ know the truth! They won't sense any harm from her.'_

"—impractical at sending such powerful and dangerous shinobi for this mission."

Tsunade immediately processed the information that she had absently listened to a moment before, and shrugged, "Those of Team 7 are all well known in shinobi villages; the respect they command with their mere presence shows that we see Grass Village on equal terms. And without backup, Grass will know that we are trusting them not to ambush us, taken their past history." _'Actually that exactly what we're expecting.'_ "And having a female with Kakashi-san, Sasuke-san, and Naruto-kun—preferably one that they're comfortable with—would certainly make them seem less dangerous, even if it were a kunoichi." _'Just don't break after this, Sakura.'_

"B-but, really! I'm sure Tenten or Hinata would be better for this mi—"

Tsunade cut in Sakura's last, ditch attempt to get out of the mission, with a grin, "Not another word of it, Sakura-chan! You will do _fine._ It might be good for you to see some sights outside of Konoha! Everyone needs a change of scenery sometime!"

Sakura felt her stomach drop and dread begin to fill the cold hole in her midsection. She was crushed that she would not be allowed to leave the mission. It would bring back old memories that she had long ago decided weren't worth brooding over. It'd set her at the back again, watching others protect her while she cried in fear. She'd see their backs again. "Thank you, Tsunade-sama." Sakura's cold, calm voice surprised even herself and she spun around to walk out of the messy office.

-0-

Tsunade sighed and let her cheek hit the cool wood of her desk. Shizune entered the room and silence descended for a moment before she spoke, "You shouldn't do this to her, Tsunade-sama. I'm not sure if she'll make it."

Tsunade closed her eyes in regret and answered her apprentice and assistant, "She's the only one Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto would get along well enough to do the mission with—"

"What about the Hyuuga heir? Hinata? Naruto would…"

Tsunade waved her hand in anger, "You think I didn't go through other kunoichi first! All the other girls look dangerous. Sound dangerous. A little Sakura blossom going to negotiate the treaty…she'll soften the group up. And it would maybe loosen her up a bit, anyways. Kami knows she needs to relax. And in the end…I chose her because her team would protect her with their life. Theoretically, any other kunoichi would be protected as well, but this team knows her the best and would be pushed past their limits to protect her. If she knew everything…she may slip up."

"Then why not choose someone els—"

Tsunade slammed her hands down on her desk angrily, cracking it slightly as chakra sparked around her palms flat against the wood. "Because she serves the requirements for the mission the best by going with the information in the scroll! If she knew, everything, she would endanger the whole team. She needs to be kept in the dark about this."

Shizune sighed, yielding to Tsunade's words. She moved to leave the room, pausing at the door. Her mentor was rubbing her temples tiredly, and Shizune realized how drained Tsunade was—how exhausted and stressed and worried. That didn't stop her from speaking her next words, however. "I understand that she would help the group's façade as diplomats of Konoha, but is that really worth the risk that's created by sending an _uninformed_ shinobi, not even qualified for the mission? Naruto-kun, Sasuke-san, and Kakashi-san's combined efforts to help her will be fruitless if she has no wish to save herself."

-0-

Outside, Sasuke and Naruto met with Sakura and did their best to cheer her up. Forcing a smile, Sakura gave each of them a hug, "Team 7 reunites in our next mission. A diplomatic one…." She missed the looks exchanged between her two long time friends and teammates and walked away, half heartedly waving to Lee as she passed.

-0-

"Kakashi?"

Kakashi rested his chin on top of Sakura's head and his eyes flickered to the kunoichi in his arms, "Mmm?"

"This new mission of ours…I have a bad feeling about it." She folded a dried leaf in half and crumpled it between her fingers, watching the dead plant blow away in the wind before continuing with her thoughts. "It's too soon to make a treaty with Grass. Their raiding parties on Konoha ninja were too recent for them to even think about a treaty. And Tsunade-sama sent battle ninja, not diplomatic ones."

There was a flicker of pride in Kakashi's eyes as his student worked out the improbabilities of the reason for their mission, and he regretted not being allowed to tell her the true nature of the treaty pretense.

"And there were those shinobi that disappeared near Grass as well…"

Years of practice kept Kakashi's face calm and smooth and he stroked Sakura's cheek, feeling as though he were betraying her as he spoke his next words. "There's no need to worry, Sakura. Sasuke, Naruto, and I will be there with you."

'_We will. I will.'_

Sakura nodded but tightened her grip on his arm, her sensei's words still not clearing away the feeling in her gut that told her there was more to this mission than she knew.

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews! The goal for this chapter is 50!**

**Revised: 4.8.06**


	4. Chapter 4

_**REVISED!**_

**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't sue.

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness…but blood soaked hands are slippery when grasping for one's sanity.

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness.

**Summary: **He had promised never to fail his teammates. And he wouldn't now. So if this was what it took to make her feel…he would do it.

**Please tell me which summary you like best, b/c it'll go back to the last one.**

**A/N:** SORRY for lack of KakaSaku before, but there will be some in this chapter!

ALSO! Reason the update is so late is because someone reported me for writing a 'non-story' for 'Across the Archway'. I don't understand _why_ that shithead didn't just email me about it or something. Stupid fuckbrain! I hope he/she impales themselves on an unsharpened pencil!

**Chapter 4**

It was probably some time around the chuunin exam that Sakura realized exactly how weak she really was. Actually, it _was_ during the chuunin exam, no question about it. While she was fighting Kin, she had made a promise to herself that she would work hard to protect herself and those she loved.

No one would ever need to protect her again. Needless to say…that didn't work out too well. But that's another story for another day—chapter.

'_Please. Just don't let me lose!'_

There had been a sickening crack as Sakura's fist connected with Ino's jaw and Ino's fist hit Sakura's cheek; they both fell to the ground as unconscious heaps, and neither girl got up again. Both had lost the match.

Ino had woken up earlier than Sakura, and she gazed sadly at her once-best-friend from across the two foot gap between their futons, which seemed so much larger. "Sakura-chan…why did we become rivals?" Regret and hurt laced her voice. "I never wanted Sasuke. Why did you end our friendship?" She laid back down and turned to her side, facing away from Sakura to hide her tears.

Sakura never heard those words.

When she woke up, a slow pulse of pain made her shut her eyes and wince, _'Man! Ino sure as hell can punch hard!'_ She rubbed her tender cheek and pushed herself up from the futon, glancing around. Ino had left already, but her sheets were still unmade, signaling that she couldn't have left too long ago. Pulse. _'Ow.'_

Sakura's mother and father walked in, having been sitting outside the medical room to wait for their daughter to regain consciousness after being called in by the examiners. Another pulse of pain. Her father's stern, disapproving eyes and her mother's disappointed ones. Pulse. This time, not from her cheek.

Sakura turned her head away and bit her lip, afraid to look at her parents again. As if she needed to see _those_ looks again. Again and again and again. Were they never satisfied? Again and again and again. With her sister with her. Again and again and again. The way a circle goes round and round, she would fail and then _again_ they would go through the cycle, she would fail and then _again_ the cycle she would fail and then _again._

Now, just like it always happened, her mother would go—

"Sakura-chan, we thought you'd train a little more intensely to do better."

And then her father would speak—

"We've worked so hard to make a good life for you and this is how your treat your training! From what I saw—"

And his voice would rise—

"—you haven't been training at _all!_ Do you not want to succeed!"

Then her mother would land a gentle hand on her husband's shoulders to calm him, and look back to her daughter, her gray eyes sad and tired and worn—

"We just thought you'd take into consideration how your father and I felt about this. And really, Sakura—"

And she'd go on. In years, her mother's gentle voice would change, hardened by disappointment after disappointment, Kumiko'd loose faith in her daughter and finally realize that Sakura was nothing but a failure. What a harsh blow of reality.

Tears tears tears, gathering at the corners of her eyes. Another part of the cycle. Of course, who could forget—

"You're crying! For kami's sake you can't even remember one of the most important rules of being a shinobi! Never show your emotions! You don't see any of the top shinobi crying every time they fail! Though they don't fail as much as you do—"

And on and on and on.

Ino stood at the doorway, listening to Sakura's parents harshly chew out their daughter. She should go in there. She valued their friendship, even if it were over and even if Sakura did not. Ino did. She should go in there. She hesitated, her hand hovering above the small hand hold on the rice paper door.

Ino turned away and walked down the hall to meet with her own parents. She didn't go in. She didn't defend her friend. She didn't care. That was the day Ino and Sakura's friendship really ended.

-0-

Sakura leaned against the hunk of stone that marked the grave of her dead sister. It had vines climbing over it, blocking most of the marble, but Sakura liked it that way. Her sister liked it that way.

"Hey, nee-chan. Guess what. I lost someone else today. Remember that kid? The one I had a crush on? Uchiha Sasuke? Yeah…well he's gone now. He's betrayed Konoha. He's working with Orochimaru to kill us all. Funny, huh? Funny how everyone I'm around tends to kinda go 'poof' I'm gone! Either in body or mind, huh? I think it's funny. I think it's hilarious. Haha."

Sakura's throat burned and she picked at the grass growing over the grave, scattering it to the wind to distract herself from her tears.

"Mom's gone too. And dad. Again. Off on a couple month long body guard mission, or something. Glad to get away from the failure of a kid they had. Sasuke wouldn't even take me along to become a missing-nin. Thought I was too weak. Most of his rescue group's in the hospital, right now, so I guess maybe he was right."

'_Left behind again…'_

"By you, and mom, and dad, and Sasuke, and I left Ino, and pushed away Naruto and Lee."

She scratched her arm.

"You remember Lee, right? Giant eyebrows, green jumpsuit with clashing legwarmers? Sweetest guy you'll ever meet. Yeah. I was stupid. So shallow, too. And Naruto. You remember him? You bought him chocolate once, when the store owner wouldn't sell it to him. Said he was stealing, remember? Remember remember remember. That's all I seem to do now, isn't it nee-chan? Maybe I should just forget. Make things a whole lot easier."

Sakura hugged the stone, "Don't let me forget, nee-chan. Don't let me forget." There was that hollow emptiness inside of her. She wanted to forget—to move on. But there was nothing in the present, nothing _now_ to help her move forward. Only the past. So she was stuck there, forever wishing she wasn't, but inwardly knowing it was the only place she'd ever belong. Left behind.

She returned to town an hour later, tear tracks wiped from her face and eyes clear and green. She requested an easy genin mission that didn't require her jounin sensei to be with her. She felt a bit like being alone, despite the cheery attitude she had adopted to get her through the day without whispers or stares.

"Hey Sakura-chan!"

Sakura waved at Lee, ignoring the heavy blush that set in on his cheeks, "Hey Lee!"

He ran up to her and walked with her, eager to speak with her more, "How are you, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura gave him a dazzling smile, making Lee blush even redder, "I'm doing _fine_ Lee. Everything's _great."_

_-Fucking liar.-_

_Inner Sakura shattered a mirror._

-0-

Kakashi swung his arm out and whacked her in the back of her head with his book. Sakura stumbled and fell to the ground, scraping the heels of her palms as she tried to break her fall, and she lay there on the dusty ground.

"Get up, Sakura-chan! Training's not over yet."

"…"

"Sakura, get _up_."

Sakura wearily used her elbows to prop herself up, then her fingertips to get to her feet. Her palms were raw and slightly bloody. _'I hate this.'_

"I hate this."

Kakashi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck to ease some of the tension from it; teaching Sakura was a lot more stressful than it seemed. "Sakura-chan, if you want to get stronger, this is what you _need_ to do. Now come at me again."

Sakura closed her eyes and counted to ten to calm herself, then balled her hands into fists. She charged at Kakashi and brought her arm back. Her other hand became lax and her fingers loosened. Time seemed to slow…

_-Kawarimi! C'mon!-_

_Inner Sakura formed the seals with her hands, directing her chakra to weave itself into one of the least complicated patterns used in a ninja fight, and release._

…her hand formed half the seal for Kawarimi no Jutsu, and Sakura found herself in a tree, staring at a Kawarimi launch a punch at Kakashi. Too stunned to do anything, she watched the illusion receive a knee in the stomach and dissipate, revealing a surprised Kakashi and a fallen log.

Kakashi's head snapped in her direction and when their eyes met, for the _briefest_ second, Sakura could've sworn she saw admiration in her sensei's eyes….

Sakura jumped down from her perch and bent over the log, giving it a tentative poke. "Ano, sensei? What happened?"

"Kakashi," he corrected, and he examined the log as well, "and I think you just pulled off a single handed sealing."

His statement took a moment to register in Sakura's mind until her eyes widened and she shook her head quickly. "No way! I can't even do a fireball jutsu without exhausting myself to death with _proper_ sealing!"

Kakashi shrugged, "Well, considering your near perfect chakra control, this jutsu should be easier for you to pull off than it would be for others, one-handedly. Add that to the fact that a Kawarimi doesn't require too much chakra, and it's entirely believable that you were able to manipulate your chakra in such a way that just half of the seal was enough to release the right pattern of chakra. Of course, there's a good chance that it wasted chakra because your control was probably poured all into weaving the right pattern and not releasing the perfect amount of chakra."

His matter of fact speaking sparked something inside Sakura. He sounded as if he had expected it to happen, almost, once the surprise was gone. As if it were _supposed_ to happen. Sakura stood frozen as her whirring subconscious planted a feeling of satisfaction and pride in her chest, then she jumped at her sensei—whose quick reactions allowed him to catch her under her thighs—and plant a big, wet, _fat_ kiss on his cheek.

True happiness shone on her face and the easily noticeable lift to her lips—usually her smiles were just barely there—caused Kakashi's breath to hitch. Her giggle rang throughout the training ground and for some reason, Kakashi felt the need to twirl her around.

'_If that's what it takes to make her happy…'_

His own lips quirked upwards, crinkling his eye, as the words he had thought when this whole thing had started, entered his mind with _one little discrepancy._ She had already begun to feel, when he decided that just _feeling_ wasn't enough. She had to be _happy._ Without stopping to think anymore, he spun her in a circle and felt his heart rate quicken when she tightened her arms and legs around him.

-0-

Sakura sat back to back with Kakashi, playing with some vines she had found on the training grounds. Kakashi was reading his book, which he had placed back into his pouch after the fall where she had scraped her palms. They, by the way, had been tenderly cleaned and wrapped in fresh bandages by none other than Kakashi himself.

Sakura got on her knees and turned around, pushing her weight on her forearms, which rested on Kakashi's shoulders. Sakura quickly placed the crown of vines she had been making on her sensei's head and hugged him around the neck, pushing her entire front against his back.

She then rested her chin on his shoulder and let her eyes scan the book in front of her, blushing but refusing to look away. They stayed in that position for all of ten minutes when, at one of Kakashi's favorite parts, Sakura's incredulous voice broke the comfortable silence, "How's _that_ possible?"

Her words were too much for him, and Kakashi let out a deep chuckle, folding the book closed again and shoving it into his pocket before he twisted around and his arms enveloped the kunoichi that was previously against his back. He sat her sideways on his crossed legs and he cradled her as one might do a baby, grinning ear to ear with the only visible part of his face radiating amusement.

Sakura stared at her sensei's eye, trying to find the flecks of color that would give away its true color; it certainly couldn't be black. _'This feels _right.' Sakura found herself more relaxed with her sensei than she did with anyone else, and the rest of the training ground seemed to fade away, leaving her to concentrate solely on the handsome jounin in front of her. Kakashi leaned in and kissed her softly, enjoying the eager response he got in return.

A disruption in the chakra of the training field had Kakashi jumping up and placing Sakura back on her feet, with his orange book open in front of him. "Hello, Ryou-san."

Sakura turned her head so quickly she nearly got whiplash, and found her father standing some meters to her left, partially hidden by trees, a slight scowl on his face.

_-Oh shit! Oh shit oh shit oh shit! Did he see? Did he _see!_-_

_Inner Sakura ran in circles, pulling at her hair before she suddenly stopped, a crazy fire in her eyes._

_-Hell yeah! Take that ya bastard! Lookit what your supposed-to-be perfect-little-Sakura's become now!-_

"H-hi, otou-sama!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, as he always did when he heard Sakura refer to her parents directly. There was always a 'sama' attached at the end.

"I see you're training, Sakura, but it's time for dinner. You know your Okaa-san doesn't like it when you're late."

Sakura nodded and walked to her father, pushing past tree branches, and turning to wave to her sensei with a forlorn look on her face. She had wished that that day would last forever, but—

_A wish is just a dream, wished to come true…_

—dreams didn't come true.

-0-

Kakashi's heart had dropped to his stomach as he watched Sakura turn the bend and disappear. He had hoped that that look in her eye would fade away, but it seemed to return every time she left for home. His heart suddenly made a leap, from his stomach, past his chest, to his throat.

He was still wearing the crown of vines.

'_Fuck!'_

**Revised: 6.19.06 **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer (for rest of story too):** Don't own, don't sue

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness.

People are asking about the flashbacks, and **all they do is tell the past**. It started when she was, like, 8, and it's been progressing. So imagine each chapter divided into two. The past, and the present. The **past just shows the major points in her life and shows how she became what she is in the present**. They aren't flashbacks.

**Chapter 5:**

The day had started out with a tingling in the air. Something was going to _happen_ today. Something was going to happen. Something that would have a large effect on Sakura's life. Something that was _big_ and…inevitable. She felt it was inevitable.

Sakura ignored the feeling at first, deciding that it was just a hazy aftereffect of her terrifying, yet not so, dream. The _memory_ was terrifying, but there was no feeling of horror during the actual dream. _'How odd…'_

The wind blew past the sixteen year old and Sakura breathed in the fresh spring scent mixed with…blood. Then it hit her like a storm, and she rushed past the oblivious villagers and purposefully ignorant shinobi lining the roads and squares of Konoha, to the hospital. Her eyes had widened when she saw the mass of nurses and medic nin shouting and running in such a hectic way that Sakura knew that whatever big thing was planned for that day, had already happened.

"GET TO THE UCHIHA IN SURGERY ROOM 4! MORE CHAKRA NEEDED!"

"THAT UZUMAKI BOY'S LOOSING BLOOD FAST!"

"HYUUGA'S LUNGS ARE COLLAPSED!"

"ROCK'S ARMS ARE SHATTER, SKULL FRACTURE!"

The hustle around her faded into nothing as more calls of patients' statuses were yelled out, and Sakura felt her heart threatening to beat its way out of her ribcage. _'Sasuke's back…Naruto, Neji, Lee, Shikamaru…Kakashi, Anko…all those other ANBU.'_

The hum in the air had gotten stronger here and Sakura realized what it was. Mass amounts of surgery required inhuman amounts of chakra, and that large an expenditure of chakra would certainly have an affect on the atmosphere of the village.

Comprehension of how useless she was dawned on her. She was standing in the hospital just…just _waiting._ She wasn't working to heal injuries, she hadn't sustained injuries during a mission. She had done nothing.

'_Nothing.'_

Sakura stiffened and she turned around slowly, walking unsteadily out of the hospital and to the cemetery, on the edges of which Sakura's sister had been buried. Tree branches snagged at her hair and scratched at her ankles, but she sat at the grave. Sakura drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, numbly staring ahead. Then she cried.

That feeling of helplessness…when the throat tightens and the stomach drops. When the limbs shake and heart rate becomes erratic.

She cried for her injured friends. For the one she loved. For those who were killed as a result of said loved one's betrayal. For the medic-nin who were dropping of chakra exhaustion like flies. For herself, who couldn't do anything to help but feel _sorry._

-0-

"How are you?"

A weak, forced laugh. "Been better, Sakura-chan, but I'll be healed in no time!"

Sakura reached out and clasped her friend's hand, leaning forward to rest her large forehead on it. His hand was warm against her cold skin, and she couldn't help thinking that he probably felt more alive in his half dead state than she did most of her life.

She refused to shed any tears over this, despite how much her body wanted to. Bodies need outlets for emotion and she felt as if she would burst…but he wouldn't see her weak. He had been strong for her so many times, and now she would be for him.

"Get better soon, Lee-kun."

-0-

Naruto tried to maneuver his arm to bring the chopsticks nearer to his mouth, where he would suck at the air as hard as possible to reach the ramen, which he would then slurp up. Sakura wrinkled her face in disgust as the broth sprayed all over her, and she grabbed a tissue from the night stand next to the hospital bed.

First, she wiped the cooling liquid off her face and arms, then she took another tissue and tenderly dabbed at Naruto's face. "Let me do it, baka-kun."

She picked up the chopsticks and pulled an easily eaten amount of noodles from the bowl, then she placed it into a spoon and fed to Naruto, who was too busy enjoying the ramen to blush. Sakura smiled softly and prepared another spoonful of noodles for him.

-0-

She visited Sasuke last out of all her close friends at the hospital. He was restrained to the bed with chakra sucking bands tying him down. The only thing he could move were his toes and eyes—each finger getting a separate restraint and his forehead tied to the bed as well.

Even years later, Sakura wouldn't forget the crazed look in his eye. She would soon learn that he had backed out of his agreement with Orochimaru once Orochimaru had actually attempted to enter Sasuke's body. Sasuke had used all his will to reject Orochimaru, and afterwards, he had fled. Naruto and his team's timing was perfect, because they came upon Sasuke the day of his escape. Orochimaru had activated the cursed seal and used his control over Sasuke to make him fight the Konoha-nin.

He was, at the moment, in the hospital, still insane from the effect of the seal and Orochimaru's control combined, and it _hurt._ Her heart felt as if it would explode.

Sakura hadn't talked to him that first visit or any other visit, but ingrained his form into her memory. _'This is what you thought you loved, Sakura. Remember it. You _loved_ this. TAKE A GOOD LOOK!'_ And after every visit, there would be bleeding crescent shaped cuts on her biceps, where her fingernails had dug in her effort to keep her eyes on the nightmare in front of her.

After every visit, she would take a long shower, scrubbing at her skin with a pumice rock so as to rid herself of the residue of love that remained ensuing every thought of Sasuke.

After every visit, after the ritualistic shower, she would go off on easy genin missions, and pretend like everything were alright. And people and believed it.

It took one summer, one spring, one autumn, one winter, a second failed chuunin exam for her mask to crack. Another spring and summer for her mask to fall, not even saved by one passed chuunin exam. Then it took another autumn for someone to do something about it, and another winter and spring for the face beneath the wretched veil of despair to _begin_ to shine through.

Only one mission to undo her sanity.

-0-

Sakura felt a tug at her heart as she realized that their meeting place was at Team 7's old meeting place; the bridge over the stream. _'Not Team 7 anymore. Now a team of three jounin and one chuunin who happen to have old ties.'_

Kakashi had arrived last, as they had all predicted, and the reunited group leapt to the trees in the direction of the Hidden Village of Grass. This wasn't a stealth mission. They would have passports to the Country of Grass, and the Hidden Village of Grass. Everything would proceed as all diplomatic missions did. Just the way Sakura would expect it to.

Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto knew better.

It took them four days to reach the borders of Fire Country and Grass Country, and another two days to reach the Hidden Village of Grass.

"Passports please," a bored voice droned at them. The shinobi had a Grass hitai-ate wrapped around his thigh and his elbow was resting on the desk, his cheek propped up by his hand. Sakura, as she had done when entering Grass Country, handed four passports and the permission scroll to the brown haired shinobi and stated their business, "We're here on a diplomatic mission from Konoha. Your village leader, Miyabita-sama is expecting us."

The man didn't answer but instead checked her passports and the permission scroll, nodding and handing them back to her, "These two shinobi will accompany you to Miyabita-sama. Next!"

Sakura handed each jounin their passport and stowed the rest of the papers back in her pack before following the two masked men through the village, _'They must be the ANBU of Grass…'_

The sun was shining, but the weather was cold despite the fact that it was summer. It seemed that the actual village was a whiles a way, as the only thing besides grass and trees for as far as she could see, was the dirt road she was walking on and the village gates.

Sakura shivered and found herself walking closer to Kakashi—both for warmth and reassurance. Their arms bumped and Sakura allowed herself to give a small smile, one that didn't escape Sasuke and Naruto's notice. Naruto allowed his gaze to meet Sasuke's and the two nodded.

_We need to talk._

A few houses began appearing as they walked further down the road, until it was easily seen that they were in the suburbs of the Hidden Village of Grass. The cold, unfriendly atmosphere was intensified by the appearance of the empty houses, and Sakura moved even closer to Kakashi. "Kakashi…sensei. I don't like it here much. I don't like it here at all…"

Kakashi nodded at his student, his eyes still staring straight forward, "The Hidden Village of Grass is a bit more…_unpleasant_ than Konoha, Sakura. It's a fairly new hidden village, and before, it had been constantly conquered and ruled by tyrants. Training shinobi was the only way for them to survive, and there are things within their village walls that could rival those in the Forest of Death."

Sakura shuddered lightly, contemplating how Konoha would've turned out if it had developed under the same circumstances. She was glad it hadn't.

There was none of the hustle bustle here as there was in Konoha, and Sakura felt emptiness in the air. She was relieved when they entered the large, administration building, and she saw _people._

_-Yay! People, people, people! It's _not_ a ghost hidden village!-_

Sakura nearly jolted. Inner Sakura had made fewer and fewer appearances until, for a time, she had nearly disappeared. She had not come up again since the one handed sealing and Sakura found herself relieved to hear the shout of her second personality.

The two ANBU escorted them to the door of the village leader, which was guarded by two other ANBU, then disappeared. A pity, since they were now stuck with two much meaner looking shinobi, despite their covered faces.

"Miyabita-sama will see you now," one murmured in a soft (but deadly, Sakura thought) voice. The four Leaf shinobi walked into the elegant looking office and saw a pepper haired man kneeling at a (oddly enough) round tea table, waiting for them to seat themselves.

Sakura was thrown off by the warm, melodious voice that came from the prim, cold looking man, but immediately found herself liking him.

"Now, how was your journey?"

Kakashi discreetly nudged her under the table and Sakura smiled, her acting skills only needing to half come into play as sincerity radiated from her face. She got to her knees and picked up the teapot, pouring it for everyone and settling back down comfortably, "It was fine, Miyabita-sama, though it did get a little hot and humid in Fire Country. How have you been? Well, I hope?"

Miyabita sipped at his tea and smiled through his neat mustache, "Ah, yes yes. But I've been developing a small cough these days. Must be the weather."

The two continued their pleasant conversation and Sasuke activated his Sharingan, being careful to let his bangs fall over his eyes to cover the spinning tomas; when he lifted his head, he picked up the cup of tea and drank his fill, signaling that it was safe.

Miyabita laughed and Sakura smiled faintly, "Non-sense, girl! Now you're just outright flattering me!" he chuckled again and wiped his lips with the napkin at the table. "The rest of you, why I've barely heard a word from your lips! Come! Tell me a little about yourselves!"

Crickets chirped outside.

The village leader's smile drooped a little and Kakashi quickly cleared his throat, "Well, there's not much to say. I train in my free time, and go on missions. That's about it." He swallowed some tea. Miyabita raised his eyebrows, "There's no special girl in your life? And here I would've thought that a man like you would have girls swooning over him, same as you two over there!"

Kakashi wanted to choke on his tea from the shock of the question, but Sakura, it seemed, did it for him. Once again, it didn't escape Sasuke and Naruto's notice.

"_Them?_ Have girlfriends? They're so wrapped up in training they sometimes forget to eat!"

Hey, that fib was half true…

It wasn't until the sun set completely that the four shinobi got to their feet and bid their host farewell, "We'll speak tomorrow over lunch. Good night."

Silence (the crickets had stopped chirping) followed the group to their hotel, where they quickly settled in. Sasuke and Naruto in a room, Kakashi on the couch, and Sakura in the second bedroom.

"We're going out, sensei!" Naruto called as he bounded after Sasuke.

-0-

"He seems nice."

"Hm…."

Kakashi didn't answer. He was going over the meeting in his head, trying to figure out what game Miyabita was playing at. He had seemed truly sincere. Perhaps to lull them into a false sense of security? Whatever he was doing, Sakura was falling for it.

"I'm going to prepare for bed."

Kakashi quickly brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas. Walking out in only a pair of pants, a hitai-ate, and a mask made Sakura's breath hitch, and she found herself staring at the pale jounin, tracing his muscles with her eyes. She blushed lightly when she met Kakashi's eyes, and he nearly smirked at her reaction. Forgetting about Miyabita instantly, in one quick movement he was next to her on the couch.

-0-

"There's something going on with Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-san."

Naruto nodded in agreement, a rare thoughtful look on his face. The two had been spending an inordinate amount of time together, but both Sasuke and Naruto had credited it to the training she was receiving to pass the jounin exams. Both realized now, that Sakura had never mentioned anything about becoming jounin, and that she was rarely around when Kakashi wasn't.

"But…she's happier now, isn't she?" Naruto's voice came through, thoroughly surprising Sasuke even though he refused to show it. "Sakura-chan's been happier these months. She even smiles and laughs sometimes…and she's gotten stronger. Can't you feel the chakra coming from her, Sasuke-teme? She's gotten a lot stronger."

Sasuke brooded silently. "She does seem different, but you're not…bothered by how he's hanging around her so much? Or how they seem to touch a lot too?"

Naruto cast a sly glance in Sasuke's direction, "Oh Sasuke-teme! Are you _jealous?_"

Sasuke immediately snapped at his teammate angrily, though a slight blush graced his cheekbones, "Of course not, dobe! Why'd I be jealous of him!"

Naruto laughed and pointed at Sasuke, "Sasuke's got a cru-ush! Sasuke's got a cru-ush!"

"Shut up!"

Naruto was left groaning on the tree branch with a large bump on his head, and Sasuke leapt off to a different branch.

"I'm _not_ jealous. She's our teammate. We're supposed to make sure she doesn't do anything _stupid_, and fooling around with our sensei counts as stupid."

Naruto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, not quite sure what to say. Normally, he would've reacted loudly and quickly, but when it came to Sakura…

"We'll talk to her, dobe, and I'm _not_ jealous." With that, Sasuke left.

-0-

Kakashi felt a tingling at the edge of his senses, but ignored it, thinking it was just a reaction to the deep kisses he was currently enjoying. The nagging little voice in the back of his head warned him to listen to his instincts, and with heavy disappointment that he tried to tell himself he didn't feel—because this was only bodies, _not emotions—_he pulled away.

Wait a second…those tingling sensations were warnings that someone was almost close enough to see them…

Kakashi quickly jumped away from a surprised Sakura and whipped out his little orange book, pretending to be reading when Sasuke jumped in the room through the window. He frowned when he heard Sakura's deep, ragged breaths and looked at her through the corner of his eyes, frowning even more when he caught sight of Kakashi's hastily puled up mask. He opened his mouth angrily.

'_Oh no…he saw. He saw. Now he's going to tell. He saw. He saw. He s—'_

"You need to be more aware of your surroundings, Sakura! What if I'd been an enemy shinobi!"

_Inner Sakura gave a sigh of relief and put a hand to her racing heart—_

—giving a weak, fake smile to Sasuke. She got up shakily and murmured 'Good night' to her teammates, slipping quietly into her room.

-0-

Sasuke turned his glare to Kakashi, who was 'innocently' reading his porn. Sasuke had to fight to keep his face from turning red from anger and he could hear the pounding of his heart. He had _seen._ Just before Kakashi had jumped away, but he had _seen_.

"We know what you've been doing, _sensei,_ and it's got to stop."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow and tucked his book away, fixing his ex-student with his one eyed gaze, "We?" _'Stall for time…distract him.'_

"Naruto and I. It may seem like just a game to you, Kakashi, but it's not to _her._ You're going to end up hurting her and I—"

Kakashi quickly cut in, his voice cold but feigning playfulness, "'I' Sasuke-_kun_? What happened to 'we'?"

Sasuke growled and advanced on his sensei, who poofed away in a cloud of smoke, appearing on the couch, "Hurt her, and _we_ will make you pay. She's fragile enough now as it is and you playing with her feelings isn't going to make it any better!"

Kakashi was full out scowling by now and he leaned in to his old student, bending forward at his waist with his muscles tensed angrily. "There is _nothing_ going on between Sakura and I, so you have nothing to worry about. Besides, green is an ugly color for you, Sasuke-_kun_" and with that, and tossed himself onto the couch, throwing his arm over his eyes, "Turn out the lights when you leave."

Sasuke felt anger boiling in his chest as he stomped away, purposefully leaving the lights on and slamming his bedroom door.

'_I am _not_ jealous!'_ he fumed as he furiously brushed his teeth.

'_Yes you a-are!'_ a voice sang in his head, causing him to brush even more angrily at his teeth.

'_Shut up.'_

'_Sasuke's got a cru-ush. Sasuke's got a cru-ush.'_

'_I'm not jealous of Kakashi-kuso!'_

'_Admit it. You like her. After all that time she swooned over you, you can't stand it when someone else gets her attention.'_

'_That's not true! Shut up you sound like dobe!'_

Sasuke continued arguing with himself, placing a barrier around himself and the bed to keep Naruto out (_'He can sleep on the floor!'_) and pulling the blankets up over his face. He wouldn't admit that he was jealous because it wasn't true! He. Was. Not. Jealous! Why would he like someone like Sakura, anyways! She was weak, she was annoying, she was superficial.

But…he hadn't really spoken to her for almost a year, and she seemed much quieter and more subdued now. And he _had_ sensed that change in her chakra amount—she had more, now. Muscles had developed on her thin arms and legs, and she moved quieter than before. And her hair was long again. He had always like girls with long h—

'_Aw shit.'_

He was jealous.

**-0- Extra -0-**

**Timeline:**

_Sakura's currently eighteen, her birthday being March 28 (Wikipedia . com). She was seventeen when Kakashi starts his experiment. She's sixteen during her 'mask cracking' faze, so she was able to hide it for years._

_Kakashi's currently thirty one, his birthday being September 15 (wikipedia . com). _

**A/N: -sigh sigh- Not very happy with this chapter, and still pissed that I'm not allowed to update. Sorry sorry SORRY nothing very interesting happened this chapter…next chapter I hope to get almost through to the important part of the mission.**

**Their little secret's getting out though…**

**97 reviews**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness.

**A/N:** Addressing the flashbacks again, a divider -0- always means a scene change, so there's a good chance that a divider signals an advancement into the future (even if only by a few weeks).

**Chapter 6**

There had been one team whose member was severely injured during training, so they were short one person. Sakura replaced him and competed in her second chuunin exams with them.

She had failed.

Honestly, it wasn't her fault. One of her teammates had been caught cheating during the first part of the exam, and the three of them had been kicked out. She hadn't even had the heart to yell at the devastated seventeen year old, just one year older than she.

Of course, her parents saw it as _her_ fault the moment she returned from Village Hidden in the Mist.

"Why didn't you pass the first time, when you were on an adequate team? Even if that Uzumaki kid _was_ on it…"

"Why didn't you choose a better team?"

"Why didn't you figure out some way to help them?"

Always her fault. The blame was always on her. That night, she had fallen asleep in the small clearing in the forest, her back against the cold hard tombstone. Sakura had felt even worse afterwards, as with the summer fading and the cold settling in, she had gotten a cold.

Some months after this failure, she visited Tsunade to ask again about an apprenticeship. Her first attempt, when she was only twelve years old, four years ago, had been rejected because she lacked the stamina needed for the medical jutsus she'd be learning. And now? Her training had helped very little, as Kakashi had been too busy to train her, and Lee had no knowledge of using jutsus.

'_Breath, Sakura, just _breath.'

Sakura smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles out of her red dress and took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. "Haruno-san?" Sakura glanced up when Shizune called her name, "Tsunade-sama will see you now."

Sakura got shakily to her legs and clasped her hands in front of her, then nodded thankfully at Tsunade's assistant. She didn't yet trust her voice to speak clearly.

Wooden crates lined one side of the Hokage's office, and had Sakura not been so nervous, she'd have curiously inspected each box; as it was, she could only concentrate on getting on foot in front of the other.

Tsunade had her hair pulled up into a messy bun and she was furiously scribbling at papers, the fading sunlight making her hair gold and her skin glow. Sakura's breath nearly caught in her throat as she watched her Hokage, trying to identify the feeling she felt willing inside her.

Admiration. Not just any kind of admiration. Not the kind she felt when she saw Kakashi fight, or when she saw her parents' loyalty to Konoha. When she saw Tsunade, she realized that this was what she wanted to become. This was her _goal._ Not necessarily to become Hokage, but to be as _graceful,_ as _powerful,_ as _respected_ as the woman in front of her.

Sakura strengthened her resolve and she walked closer to Tsunade, bowing when she reached her desk, "Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade finally looked up from her work and she nodded at the girl, setting her pen down. Brushes had proved too messy for the woman, so she had instead increased the trade with Stone Country for ink and ballpoint pens.

"Haruno Sakura, am I correct?"

Sakura nodded, "Yes, Tsunade-sama. I'm not sure if you remember, but I came to you four years ago, asking for an apprenticeship. I'd like to request one again." Though her voice trembled slightly, Sakura was thoroughly surprised that any words at all had passed her lips. Her palms became sweaty and she clenched them tightly at her sides, hoping the pain would help her forget her nervousness.

Tsunade nodded, "Yes, I remember. You were on the same team as Uchiha and Naruto."

Sakura nodded again, wishing that Tsunade hadn't brought up Sasuke. She hadn't visited him in the hospital ever since the failed chuunin exam, for fear of him sensing her weakness and playing on her fears. Some part of her feared that she had tried for chuunin because she still loved him, and she just wasn't ready to face that possibility yet.

"So. Show me what you can do."

Sakura closed her eyes and with a series of hand seals, weaved her chakra into intricate patterns, sending Tsunade into a genjutsu. She made it as subtle as possible, and once it was in place, she reached forward, clasping Tsunade's hand in her own. Most genjutsu muted the feeling of objects, or only deceived the eyes, so she had poured all her concentration in making Tsunade feel.

"KAI!"

Tsunade nodded in approval, "You have good control over your chakra."

Sakura thanked her and waited for her next instructions, "Can you do a battle jutsu?" more of a demand than a question, but she didn't mind. Having little chakra stamina, Sakura could perform very few effective battle jutsu, but having been around Sasuke so much, she had eventually managed to get him to teach it to her.

When he agreed to teach her, she had thought her heart would explode with happiness. Now looking back on it, she almost wished she could turn back into a silly, infatuated, useless little girl just so she could _feel_ again.

"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu!"

'_If I learn this, then Sasuke will realize that I'm strong, and that I'm worthy of his attentions!'_ she had thought, but of course

"_Your fire isn't hot enough. The range is short. Too little chakra,"_ he had said, and

'_I'll work harder then, for you, Sasuke!'_ she had thought.

Suddenly, Sakura realized that with her naïvete, she had been undeniably _stupid_ and she wasn't sure happiness was worth that. As one of the wooden crates caught fire and exploded, sending shards of glass and sake flying, she absently wondered if her stupidity had perhaps grown since those days of old.

'_Damn it. I think it has…'_

-0-

Several higher ups of the Grass Village, including Miyabita, and the former Team Seven were currently sitting at a patio table, enjoying the spicy food that was a specialty of the Grass, and discussing the current Leaf-Grass situation.

Kakashi had politely declined any food, preferring to get straight to business. "What we're saying, Miyabita-sama, is that there have been several raiding parties of Grass-nin that have sabotaged Konoha trade caravans. There have been several witnesses and each time there have been serious injuries dealt to our traders. _And_ there have been attacks on Leaf Genin teams and inexperienced chuunin. Not to mention the disappearance of several Leaf nin in Grass."

Miyabita nodded, "I will check up on that, as I have not sent any orders nor received any missions to attack Konoha trading parties or shinobi. As the head of our ninja _and_ our village I wouldn't want to hurt potential allies of Grass."

Another shinobi piped up, apparently angry at Miyabita for giving in so easily, "But there is also the fact that Konoha shinobi have been compromising Grass's trade with the village of Ito, what with their caravans and their shinobi scaring away _our_ merchants and—"

"So are you admitting to attacking our caravans and shinobi? Because you seem to be giving excuses for something out _didn't_ do," Naruto cut in, silently promising pain to Sasuke, who had just discreetly jabbed him with his elbow.

'_This is a diplomatic mission, Naruto! Politics is a delicate game. You may ruin this entire mission by insulting that man!'_

The scarlett haired man's eyes narrowed and his arm reached for his sword. "Shigekazu-san!" Another man hissed angrily, a visible tick in his eye. "These are our diplomatic _guests._ Your behavior is rude!"

The tension in the room was nearly tangible and Sakura carefully finished off the last of her _inari,_ one of the few un-spicy foods on the table.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "If that is the case, perhaps we should come to a compromise. The raids on Konoha traders and shinobi are unacceptable. They are civilians of our village, and if need be we will send our more powerful shinobi to accompany them on their journey. Our Genin teams are comprised of younger, inexperienced shinobi, and we _will_ protect them. This increase in security during travel would be in bad interest for our international relations, however, and our Hokage would prefer not to have to resort to this. Therefore, if we decreased our trade with Ito, by some five to seven percent, and re-directed it to a different city, would you look into these raids? We can request our shinobi to take less conspicuous routes when passing by your trade roads."

Sasuke tapped his fingers on his elbows, his arms crossed over his chest.

"And these missing shinobi. Grass search parties should be sent out, and Leaf search parties allowed into your village. If you disagree, you may take it up with Hokage-sama."

His diplomatic abilities were astonishing for someone who seemed more likely to brood than to talk after a successful mission, and Sakura felt a familiar fluttering in her heart. She the glanced at Kakashi through the corner of her eye and found that her heart did a little backflip. Oh dear. It seems that her old crush on Sasuke had rekindled itself while also having formed an attachment to Kakashi…

Sakura shook these thoughts from her head and directed her attention back to the meeting. Miyabita slapped the table with a grin while the other men present haughtily gave their approval.

"Very well. If that's the best compromise we can reach." He took out a blank scroll and moved to an empty table a little ways off to write the agreements out in the form of a treaty. Kakashi and Sasuke immediately stood up to oversee the drafting, and Naruto followed.

All three realized how suspicious it was that the red haired man had given in so easily, albeit grumpily. And why wasn't Miyabita handling this…

Sakura stood and moved to the new table, but was stopped by Miyabita's warm voice, "Come, Sakura. Let's go bring out the dessert, now that this nasty business is over and a compromise has been reached." She frowned and glanced back at the rest of her team, all of which were so immersed in the developing treaty that they hadn't noticed her.

"Um, maybe I should stay and—"

Miyabita waved away her protest and guided her back into the restaurant, when Sakura suddenly came to a halt. "Why…why didn't you just call for the waiter to bring it?" she asked warily, taking a step away from the pepper-haired man.

Miyabita just laughed, "I thought there was too much tension out there, and that this would be a good excuse to escape it!"

Sakura was not convinced and she backed away, "I should probably be getting back now. My team will be worried."

"Sakura-chan. Don't you trust me?"

She hesitated.

"Because you really shouldn't." A hand gripped her long hair and Sakura gasped, the world fading to black as Miyabita pressed a pressure point on the back of her neck. The last thing she saw was a young, turquoise haired man with golden eyes.

'_Damn it, a henge…'_

-0-

The three Leaf-nin looked over the treaty one last time and each nodded, "Once Miyabita-sama signs it, we will take it back to our Hokage to be signed as well."

The Grass higher ups (some of which were bound to be heads of ninja departments) stood and carefully stretched their cramped muscles, shifting their eyes to meet one anothers'.

"NOW!"

With that one cry, they all leapt to attack, several more shinobi appearing in puffs of smoke and joining in. Naruto had long ago performed _Kawarimi_ with his _Kage Bunshin_, and formed even more shadow clones to trap the enemy-nin between himself(s), and Sasuke and Kakashi.

One. Sasuke. Two. Kakashi. Three. Himself. Four…

"WHERE'S SAKURA!"

-0-

Sakura awoke strapped to a chair, her hands bound in a way that didn't allow for hand seals, and a seal stuck above her sternum, draining her of her chakra. Her head was lolling on her chest and she slowly lifted it, blinking out the bright light of the _'Interrogation room.'_

She looked around and found several torture tools on a polished wooden table some feet away—tools that Ibiki was no doubt familiar with—and there were no visible doors, windows, or possible exits of any kind around.

Of course, she could just be trapped in a genjutsu, but with her chakra drained, she had no way to get out of it. _'Except maybe—'_

Sakura bit down hard on the inside of her mouth and the tangy taste of blood washed over her taste buds as her nerves sent the message 'PAIN PAIN PAIN' to her brain. The illusion flickered and when her vision finally cleared, Sakura found herself in a less sanitary and dimmer version of the room she had previously 'been in'. There were still no exits.

The turquoise haired man was finishing off a plate of sushi and he glanced up at Sakura, who had just gasped in pain. "Finally out of that genjutsu, huh? And here I thought you would be a useless shinobi…"

_-Useless, eh? I'LL SHOW HIM!-_

_Inner Sakura performed a series of hand seals with her hands and directed the chakra inside her body, but found that she was drawing on an empty source—_

—when she suddenly felt the air knocked out of her. Sakura, not being consciously aware of her Inner Self attempting a jutsu, coughed and cursed lightly, glaring at the man before her. He was tall. Just as tall as Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto (all of whom varied within an inch or two in height), and just as well built.

He had long, wavy blue green hair and golden eyes; his features were delicate and schooled into a perfect look of disinterest, similar to the one Shikamaru always wore. His pale skin seemed ashen in the dim lighting, and Sakura couldn't make out the color of his toga like shirt, and loose pants.

The man paused with the last piece of sushi at his mouth, his eyes flickering to Sakura, who was eyeing it hungrily. He got up from his cross legged position and squatted in front of her, placing his hand on her thigh and leaning forward.

"Would you like some sushi?"

Sakura would've shifted in discomfort if she could. She would've slapped him if she could. She would've punched him all the way to kingdom come if she could. But all she could do was stare defiantly over his shoulder. The man shrugged and popped the roll into his mouth, walking over to a dented, metallic table where several blades, screws, and other torture devices sat.

They were surprisingly clean, considering the state of the room. Sakura had to appreciate that.

"Gotta keep the instruments clean and rust-free. Can't have our prisoners dying of tetinitus, now can we."

Sakura's stomach lurched and she took back her previous thoughts.

He approached her, holding a thumbscrew, and he carefully untied one of her hands. "This really is the messy and unpleasant part of the job. I don't really want to hurt you, and if you'll talk, I wouldn't need to. Such a pretty thing like you shouldn't be submitted to torture…" he trailed off and looked imploringly at her face.

Sighing, he brushed a bit of her hair out of her face, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand afterwards. He tossed the thumbscrew to the corner and held out his hand, smiling genially. "Hello. My name is Raidon. You knew me as Miyabita. Contrary to what you may think, I really _did_ enjoy my time with you."

Sakura didn't answer for a few seconds, and muttered, "You really are an old pervert."

Raidon laughed and ruffled Sakura's hair, walking to the table and picking up a slightly dull knife. With a few quick hand signals, a flame appeared at his finger and he heated up he tip of the blade, "Wonderful jutsu, no? I created it myself, though no doubt you Leafs also have a similar jutsu, being from Fire Country and all."

Sakura inwardly smacked herself for thinking that such an easy jutsu would be restricted to Konoha alone, but her eyes never left the heating blade.

"Why are you doing this," she whispered as Raidon neared. He sighed and caught her eye, not too surprised at the tiredness that showed through her green irises. He bent down to her level again and rested his elbows on her thighs, supporting himself as he continued preparing his torture device.

Sakura nearly gagged when she felt him touch her again and she felt tears prickling the corners of her eyes. Raidon must've noticed her rapid blinking as he seemed to hesitate in his answer.

"They really didn't tell you, did they, kunoichi?"

Sakura refused to answer. If 'they' hadn't told her, she wouldn't know, and if they had, well then they had. She felt her heart pound even harder, though, as she could feel the heat of the flame from where she was constrained. The fire must've been hot. How long before the knife was heated to his satisfaction…?

"Didn't you find it suspicious that your Hokage sent a team of battle ninja instead of a diplomatic one? No doubt she thought _you'd_ 'soften' up their image. You did a good job, I'll grant you that, but that's beside the point. Didn't you realize how fruitless a treaty mission would be, this short a time after the raids and disappearances?"

Sakura could smell Raidon's breath, and his head tilted to the side in true curiosity with an innocence she would never have thought possible, had she not heard his warm voice as 'Miyabita'. It was hot and not entirely unpleasant, though she could still smell the sushi. Anything to get her mind off of the knife so close to her skin…

"Yes," her voice was hoarse and she refused to look him directly in the eye. The feelings of inferiority Inner Sakura had held at bay for years, and which had just receded slightly these past months, crashed down on her.

"Didn't you notice the unease your teammates felt here in Grass, and around me?" he pressed on.

"Yes." Her lips were trembling now and tears dripped down her face, falling onto the hot knife and turning into steam upon impact. She felt the hole in her chest grow bigger, and bigger, and bigger and bigger—

"Well now I'll tell you what they kept from you. This diplomatic mission was a sham," his voice was soft, as though he was trying to soften the blow. "Your teammates expected to be kidnapped, or at least attacked, just like the other Leaf shinobi who were too close for comfort. They kept this from you, and now look at where it's landed you."

Sakura hiccupped and pain ripped through her chest. So she dealt with it the only way she knew how. Kakashi's way. Her lips immediately crashed onto the twenty year old enemy's lips and she molded her emotions with her tongue.

Emotions flooded her mind and her nerves were on fire. The pain was finally gone and Sakura lost herself in the kiss.

The knife was dropped, the flame extinguished, and Raidon tangled his hand in Sakura's long hair, holding her face steady with his other hand as Sakura snaked her arm around his neck.

-0-

It had taken almost an hour to fend off all the shinobi. They were skilled and there were many, and while neither Kakashi, Sasuke, nor Naruto had received any fatal wounds, they were all considerably depleted of chakra and energy.

"We should've told her!" Naruto cried as he quickly joined Sasuke and Kakashi, having just finished off the last shinobi.

Sasuke, though he agreed with Naruto almost wholeheartedly, was ready defended the Hokage's decision with the little part of him that _did_ agree with her.

"No. She wouldn't have been able to hide it well. Sakura's always had less control over her emotions than the rest of us. And the more real she thought things would be, the more convincing her act would be. Plus, forcing her to act happy may have actually made her happy."

Kakashi nodded as Sasuke explained the situation (again) for Naruto, but suddenly froze, realizing the mistake in all their calculations. How long had she hidden her true feelings? Months? Years? Could her whole life have been a sham to the public? He felt his throat tighten at that thought.

"But she _has_ hidden her emotions a very, very long time. And Sakura has been…unstable, for a while now. She doesn't know how to deal. What would this do to her? It would just build off old insecurities and…"

Naruto and Sasuke grimaced, never having thought that the after effects of this mission could result in any more than a pissed off Sakura and the silent treatment for a week or so. Now that Kakashi mentioned it, though, they realized the inferiority complex she had suffered the moment she had been placed on Team Seven, combined with this, could very well push her over the edge.

"I'll to that way, Sasuke you go that way and Kakashi, you go that way. First to find her blows something up. Something big," and with that, Naruto was gone.

**A/N:** Aaaaalrighty now! Another two chappies and the mission should be over, I think. I might write a Valentine's Day special. I've got one in mind (an angsty one), but if you peeps would like to send me ideas, I'd be very grateful.

"I'm not selfish, I just prioritize." -MEEEEE!

REVISED (same as all my other Naruto stories)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness.

**A/N:** A Valentine's Day oneshot up! It's actually not that great, but check it out if you like either SasukeSakura or ShinoSakura.

**Chapter 6**

"YOU ARE IN NO POSITION TO BE TALKING ABOUT THIS!"

Sakura covered her ears and pressed her forehead to her knees, which were folded to her chest. Sobs shook her small body as the screams got louder and louder.

"SHUT UP!"

That voice cracked.

"DON'T YOU DARE RAISE YOUR VOICE AGAINST ME, YOUNG LADY! YOU LOST YOUR CHUUNIN EXAMS! DON'T TALK ABOUT BEING A 'GOOD SHINOBI' IF YOU'RE NOT ONE YOURSELF!"

A roar.

"SHE'S ONLY NINE YEARS OLD! STAMINA CAN BE BUILT! YOU DON'T NEED TO BE THAT HARSH!"

So much yelling. That voice had cracked again.

"YOU ARE SO USELESS! IF YOU WERE A CHUUNIN, YOU'D BE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO LIVING ON YOUR OWN! YOU'RE WEAK! A DISGRACE TO OUR FAMILY! DON'T TRY TO MESS UP SAKURA'S LIFE TOO!"

Sakura rocked so hard that she fell onto her back. Clumsily, she rolled onto her side and half crawled half wriggled under her bed, moving to the corner furthest from the door and clenching her eyes shut. Slow minutes passed, and there was the loud slamming of the front door before the door to her own room opened.

"Saku-chan?"

Her sister's face appeared at the space between the floor and the bed, and crinkled itself into one of sympathy and understanding.

"Come out from under there, Saku," she whispered as she reached her hand out, her knuckles resting on the floor and the fingernails clacking lightly against the wood. After a few more sniffles, Sakura reached for her sister's hand and felt herself being pulled across the floor, nearly giggling at the speed at which she slid. Her sister had always been strong.

When Sakura emerged, her hair was mussed, her face tear streaked and red, and her clothes wrinkled and dusty. "Oh look at the state of you, Saku!" her sister exclaimed as she quickly patted off as much dust as possible, clucking in mock annoyance. When Sakura didn't answer, her sister sighed and tucked a strand of mahogany hair behind her ear.

She sat down and leaned against the bed, lifting Sakura to sit in her lap.

"Now Saku-chan, don't think too much about what kaa-sama and tou-sama said, ne? They didn't really mean any of it. You're progressing nicely in school! I spoke to your sensei, and he complimented you. He said you'd become a very successful Intelligence shinobi if you worked a bit more at it! Isn't that great?"

Sakura buried her face in her sister's shoulder, sure that her sister wouldn't care if she got snot or saliva or tears all over it as her mother or father would. "But kaa-sama and tou-sama were mean to you! They said all that stuff and—"

Sakura's sister forced a laugh—not noticed by Sakura—and patted her on the head, "No worries, Saku. They didn't really mean any of that anyways. Kaa-sama and tou-sama love us, and they just want the best for us. And I, and you, I'm sure, love them as well."

Sakura, as with the laugh, didn't catch the forced nature of her words.

Sakura rubbed furiously at her eyes, turning them even more red than before, and her sister grabbed her wrists, a questioning look on her face. "Tou-sama said tears are for the weak. I don't wanna cry, nee-chan!" and Sakura's face screwed up in her effort not to cry.

Her sister sighed and bent her head down so she was at Sakura's eye level, "Don't listen to them, Sakura. We are…shinobi. Yes, we kill and we fight, but that _is_ _not_ all that we do. We live too. We breath. We _feel_, Sakura, and it's _alright_ to feel! Look at the sky…the sky cries. The rain beats down on all of us but afterwards…afterwards there's the rainbow! And there're the crops! And the clouds become light and fluffy again, no? After a good rain, things are good again. It washes the old away. Don't forget that, Sakura. There's nothing wrong with crying."

Sakura nodded and miraculously, her tears began to stop. She hugged her sister around the neck and felt her shudders subside after her sister wrapped her arms around Sakura's waist.

-0-

"Would you like to go to the park, Saku-chan?"

Sakura looked up from her cup of hot chrysanthemum tea, her eyes bright with excitement, and she nodded vigorously, grinning all the while.

"Go get dressed, then. We can't have you out there in your pajamas!"

Sakura rushed up the stairs and in record time, she had donned a pair of black shorts and a pale yellow shirt. "Let's goooooo nee-chan!" she squealed, the tears that had filled her eyes an hour ago long forgotten.

Sakura's sister laughed and grabbed Sakura's hand, walking with her to the nearest park. When they reached it, Sakura immediately detached herself from her sister and ran to the swings, pushing off eagerly. It wasn't until the sun had nearly set, that her sister's face had pulled into a frown.

"What is it nee-chan?" Sakura felt little fear, still experiencing the happiness that had resulted from her previous activities. Besides, her sister would protect her. Sakura's sister quickly shushed her and beckoned her over, all the while scanning the surrounding area.

"Nee-chan?"

Her sister remained quiet, and then there was a thud. Her face twisted in pain.

"Ung!"

Sakura screamed as she was shoved to the ground and her sister jumped to her feet, ripping a kunai out of her bleeding shoulder. "Stay down, Sakura," she hissed, her voice hard and commanding. For a second, Sakura believed it was her mother that was speaking. Her sister's green eyes flashed and she launched a punch at a masked man clad in black.

"NEE-CHAN!"

Another man appeared behind her and landed a blow to her back, sending the mahogany haired girl stumbling forward. She quickly performed a _Kawarimi_ and sent a shower of senbon at the attacking men, running back towards them after having summoned her katana.

"Run, Sakura!" she panted as she tried fighting off the enemy-nin, receiving several lacerations from their weapons and jutsu.

Sakura stood stock-still, unable to move from her position.

"RUN SAKURA!"

She could hear the desperation in her sister's voice and she stumbled to her feet and managed to run a few feet before she was stopped by one of the shinobi. He stood in front of her, his chain and ball raised, and her eyes widened in terror.

"_This will only be activated by your chakra, Sakura. Once you activate it, mine will heat and pulse, and tell me that you're in trouble."_

_Sakura nodded, staring at the jade pendant now resting on her sternum, held to her neck by a long, red string._

"_Alright kaa-san."_

Sakura quickly sent her chakra into her pendant, fumbling for the little green stone with her sweaty hands. The man swung the ball above his head and shot it at her, the chain pulling taut. Sakura's mind shut down and the pendant fell from her fingers as a scream erupted from her throat.

There was a sickening crack and blood sprayed across Sakura's face. She found herself sprawled on the ground, some feet from the scene, staring at her sister's shattered shoulder. Her katana went through one of the links in the chain, stopping the shinobi from pulling it back, and when she let go of her katana, she formed a series of seals in such quick succession that Sakura had trouble seeing it.

"Katon: Ryuka no Jutsu!" (Fire Release: Dragon Fire Technique)

A stream of fire ran along the chain and up the enemy-nin's body, immediately charring his right arm. A barrage of kunai was speeding at her and she dropped to the ground, flat against the dirt and covering her head with her one good fist.

"You need to run, Sakura," her sister wheezed as she struggled to get back to her feet. Sakura still couldn't move. The crimson liquid leaking from her sister was…fascinating to watch. Morbid, yes, but her brain was overloaded with so many sensations—fear, anger and rage, sadness, excitement—that she could barely think.

The shinobi turned to Sakura and formed a string of hand seals; ones that her sister recognized easily. She was bleeding heavily, and death would come before help could. Only one choice left.

Sakura wasn't even aware that she had screamed, but there was suddenly a large weight on her and she heard the loud crackling of lightening. Fear finally overwhelmed her mind and it shut down, leaving the smell of burnt flesh and hot blood the last impressions made on Sakura's senses.

-0-

_Haruno Usagi_

_December 2, Fourth Age Year 2_

_to_

_August 27, Third Age Extended Year 9_

_A wonderful daughter, sister, and shinobi. She will never be forgotten._

_-_

"_Perfection is unattainable only because it's flawed, and it's flawed only because it's unattainable."_

-0-

The sensations that played across her nerves made her pull the face closer. Always closer. As long as she wasn't alone. _Closer._ Eventually, however, lack of oxygen forced her to pull away.

'_Kakashi,'_

As her eyes opened, she expected to see her former sensei's scarred but beautifully smooth face. His wild, messy, white and gray hair, and his dark green eye. When blue and gold met her eyes instead, she was afraid her heart had stopped.

'_That…this…it's not Kakashi.'_

Panic welled in Sakura's stomach and air rushed into her lungs through her parted lips. More air. More air. More air. She began hyperventilating, filling her lungs with the stale oxygen of the room that began to swim before her eyes.

Tears came unbidden to the corner of her eyes and her breathing was easily audible in the room. Raidon had backed away, surprised at the sudden change in demeanor of the Leaf-nin in front of him. Her mind had shut down and she was running on instincts alone. Her hyperventilation soon turned to screams and shrieks.

It was too much.

She couldn't remember what _happened._

She needed something _familiar._

It was supposed to be _Kakashi._

It was supposed to be _Kakashi._

It was supposed to be _Kakashi._

She didn't notice the pool of blood Raidon laid in. The gaunt, silver haired man in front of her, dim lamplight reflecting off his glasses. She just kept on screaming.

-0-

When Kakashi obliterated every tree within a fifty foot radius, Naruto and Sasuke saw. Whether it was the giant mushroom cloud of dust, the sudden emigration of birds to the other side of the forest, or the wooden splinters that rained down on them, they saw, and rushed to Kakashi.

Sakura was unconscious in his arms, a few cuts on her arms and legs, but still in relatively good shape.

"What happened!" Naruto asked, his eyes glued to Sakura's limp form, "You just found her here?"

Kakashi nodded and he carefully picked Sakura up, cradling her as if he would an infant, "I've checked for injuries already. Nothing major." _'This can't be right. She's drained of all her chakra, but she has none of the residue left over from most sealings.'_

Sasuke nodded curtly, "We should go then."

The four shinobi disappeared.

-0-

The first time he had visited her, he knew there had been something wrong. He could feel it on her skin, in the way she breathed and the way she looked.

The second time he had visited her, there was a certain air of maliciousness around her, that there wasn't before. He could tell by the way she moved, always tensed, even in her sleep, and the frowns and cries she let out. If she were having nightmares…she seemed as if she were being killed from the inside.

The third time he had visited her, she had spoken, and he was confident something had changed. He knew it would take time to figure out what, but he would. The way she moved was different. The way she spoke. The way she spoke to _him._ No moves to touch him, a different gleam in her eye that spoke volumes of her mental state.

She was his student. It shouldn't have taken four visits for him to realize this. He was supposed to know her better than she herself did. He was supposed to protect her. He had failed, and now, in his hospital bed, body broken and heart aching, he knew the extent of his failure.

**A/N:** Hm. I've been waiting for this chapter for a while. By the way, I'm putting the Fourth Hokage as hokage for 7 years, so Usagi was 13 when she was murdered.

Sorry it was so short, but I wanted a cliffhanger here. Can anyone guess what happened? Props to anyone who can. Leave it in a review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary: **Her eyes had gone dead and her fire was gone. Kakashi's desperate attempt to hold onto Sakura during her slow disintegration into madness.

**A/N:** I think this story is almost coming to a close. I'm still trying to decide whether I want a happy ending or not…

Sorry. Just needed to revise it quickly

**Chapter 8**

There were terrified shouts emitting from the room and Kakashi rushed in, his Sharingan exposed and a kunai already in his hand. He quickly scanned the room and found no one but Sakura wriggling on her hospital futon.

"N-no! You…bastard! Le…go!"

Broken words seemed pulled from her lips and her brow was covered in sweat. Sakura was gripping the sheets in her sweaty hands, staining them with the blood that had come from the self inflicted crescent shaped cuts on her palms.

Her arm was flung outwards, then back in to scratch violently at her side as she shrieked. It sounded as if she were,fighting, something. Something terrifying. Something that she would rather run from than ever face in a head on fight, but something that she couldn't avoid.

Kakashi rushed out of the room to call for a nurse to bring some sedatives. He hated to admit it, but it was painful watching her suffer like that, and though his face was impassive, he felt as though he were being torn apart from the inside.

'_It was just a game. It was only bodies. It was only to make her feel alive. Only to make her feel.'_

-0-

"Sakura…"

Bright green eyes seemed to have lost the blue hue they used to hold, and delicate eyelids fluttered opened at the name. Slowly, Sakura moved her head—her neck ached, so she had to move carefully—to look at who had spoken her name.

"K-Kakashi sensei…"

_-0-_

_There was a huddled form near the wall of the circular room. His silver hair was dull and his dark eyes shut to the world. Kabuto had paid the price for following Orochimaru for power. His body was stolen and his mind pulled along with Orochimaru's upon entering the pink haired chuunin's body._

_Sakura was nowhere to be seen, having been thrown into a dark room full of dark memories, but was currently in even worse condition than Kabuto._

_-GIVE ME BACK MY BODY!-_

_Inner Sakura was raging against Orochimaru and losing dismally. Just a few more days…just a few more days and she would lose. Just a few more days and Orochimaru would have complete control of her body. Just a few more days until she was killed._

_Inner Sakura wasn't the true inhabitant of the body. She had been created to cope with Usagi's death, but she had strengthened over time as the other kids' teasing had gotten worse. For Orochimaru to take over her body, Sakura's spirit would need to be kept alive to sustain the body, but _she_ was dispensible._

_Orochimaru laughed and sent a fist at her sternum, knocking the wind out of her._

_Try again, little girl. You were always weak. Your alter was as well. Now she's locked up with her own memories and you're here losing to me. I'll enjoy control of this body very much._

_-0-_

Kakashi frowned. Why had she called him sensei? She only called him that when others were around. And her voice had a buzz to it, as if it were overlapped with something else. He approached cautiously, feeling slightly alarmed at the way her eyes seemed to follow his every movement. Cold. Calculating. _Wrong._

He reached forward to brush a strand of messy pink hair from her face and Sakura immediately tensed. She liked contact. Now she didn't. Kakashi's frown deepened. "Sakura…are you alright?"

Sakura smiled, no light reaching her eyes, and she grasped his calloused hand in her own, "Of course, Kakashi-sensei! I'm still just…a little tired."

Kakashi nodded and he took a seat in the chair by her bed. "Sakura…what happened when you were taken?"

_Orochimaru forced the face to pale and the lower lip to tremble as he averted the green eyes. "I—I don't—"_

"—know. I can't remember. I just remember going with Miyabita-san. He said we were going to get dessert, and then I can't remember anything else. I woke up here."

Kakashi felt as though his heart had stopped and his breath caught in his throat; his mind racing, he stood abruptly. With a nod to his student, he spun on his heel and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Sakura was always polite. Miyabita-san. Miyabita-sama.

-0-

Sasuke quietly slid open the door to Sakura's room and found himself unsurprised at Kakashi's form in the chair. He looked slightly disturbed at whatever it was Sakura had just smiled at, but Sasuke could see nothing wrong with the innocent happiness radiating from her.

"Sakura-san. Kakashi-sensei," he nodded to both upon his entering and he crossed his arms before leaning against the wall closest to Sakura. "You are, feeling better?" Sakura's grin widened and her eyes glinted in the light when her gaze fell upon him; Sasuke felt his stomach lurch.

"Of course, Sa-su-ke-kuuuun!" she squealed, clapping her hands together gleefully. "Come sit down, Sasuke-kun! We should all sit together! After all, we're a team!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed slightly. Something was wrong with Sakura. Something was very wrong with Sakura. He glanced at Kakashi, their eyes meeting in agreement, and he cautiously pulled up a chair and sat down.

"So! Sasu—"

'_ke….' Sakura's cracked lips whispered her teammate's name as she watched him leave her again. And again. And again. Her face contorted in pain and tears fell down her face, sobs wracking her body. She felt like she couldn't breathe, and the oppressive aura in the room grew thicker._

'_Kakashi.'_

_There was a quick image of her sensei as she watched him rush forward to attack an enemy, leaving her behind to be protected yet again._

'_Kakashi.' _

_She couldn't stop saying his name. With a painful gasp, she pulled her arm from her side and let it drop in front of her; she then repeated it with her other arm and proceeded to drag herself the few inches she could before collapsing._

'_Kakashi.'_

_She needed Kakashi. She needed to feel something else. She couldn't watch these images any longer or else she'd go crazy. Or else she'd go numb. And she wanted to feel._

'_Kakashi…'_

_Sakura finally collapsed, her cheek hitting the hard surface she was lying on._

'…_help me feel.'_

Neither could believe that the sudden increase in chakra level in the room was due to Sakura, but knowing that it couldn't have been each other, Kakashi and Sasuke dove to the ground, each preparing for battle.

"SASUKE-KUN! DON'T YOU WANT TO SEEEEEE ME? After all…you gave up you entire village to come to me…" a sickeningly playful and _familiar_ tone was applied to the voice.

Sasuke froze. How could this have happened? They had killed him! He was dead! Dread grew in the pit of Sasuke's stomach. Kakashi's widened eyes met his and he nodded. Yes, it was Orochimaru.

He activated his Sharingan, three tomas whirling so fast you couldn't distinguish between them, and he quickly sent a torrent of kunai at Sakura. She reacted faster than he thought was humanly possible and her irises turned gold.

Kakashi and Sasuke's eyes met again and Sasuke nodded. Yes, he had taken Sakura's body.

"Why're you running from me now, Sasuke-kun! You gave up so much to come to me, and I gave so much to you! Much more than this pathetic village ever could! You knew the price you would have to pay, but you still fled once I tried to enter your body…tell me, Sasuke-kun, where's the honor in that? Where's you _ninja honor?_ You've broken too many promises now to go back. And now I'm here to get my body. _Time to pay the piper, Sasuke-kun!_"

One final time, Kakashi and Sasuke's eyes met. Yes, he had taken over Sakura's body to come for Sasuke.

The fight that ensued destroyed half of the hospital and killed several patients, their screams ringing through what was left of the sterile halls. Shinobi had rushed to their aid, but were repelled by a barrier Orochimaru had set up.

Kakashi had been the first to go. He was weaker in Orochimaru's eyes, and though Sasuke could attack him as he destroyed the copy-nin, Orochimaru would have an easier time trying to enter Sasuke's mind. Break it down first, and if several innocents and Sasuke's sensei died because of him, all the better.

_Sakura had dragged herself closer to the door where her Inner Self was battling Orochimaru. She must've lost. Sakura could faintly hear the fight going on outside her head, but she couldn't be sure._

'_I'm not. Weak.'_

He felt as though he couldn't move. He couldn't attack his mother. His father…. Sasuke's heart sped up so fast he thought his ribcage wouldn't hold it in, and he felt an unfamiliar stinging at his eyes. Necromancer.

"NO!"

He rushed forward and pulled his arm back, Chidori adorning his right hand.

"You won't get me this way, you son of a—"

Both bodies were torn apart at the same time—obviously they were there for Sasuke's emotional distress, not for an actual fight—and their blood splattered over Sasuke. There was a feral gleam in his eye and he launched a punch at Orochimaru, managing to catch him on the cheek.

_Sakura's_ cheek.

With every stumble, every drop of sweat and blood, he had to remind himself that it was _Orochimaru_ who was in control. It wasn't Sakura's blood. It wasn't her sweat. It wasn't her pain. It wasn't her. Despite what his rational mind told him, each hit hurt himself as much as it did Orochimaru.

'_I'm so sorry, Sakura.'_

Orochimaru had obviously not anticipated her to be as weak as she was, and the amount of chakra he was able to conduct at once was much smaller than he was used to. Sasuke was finally in control. With barely perceptible tears, a chirping filled the air and he drew his arm back. Orochimaru was weak, blood leaking from his lips and the gashes on his arms and legs. On _her_ arms and legs.

'_Fight him, Sakura.'_

He rushed forward and felt his heart wrench when her eyes widened in shock. Then, right as he was about to plunge his chidori into her heart, her eyes returned to the bright green they used to be.

'_Sakura!'_

Sasuke put all his strength into extinguishing the chidori, and he managed to move his arm enough so as to just burn the top of her clothes. There was a sharp pain in his gut and Sasuke collapsed to the ground, clutching his bloodied stomach.

Sakura's eyes were gold once again, and Orochimaru tossed away the kunai. He shook his head and tsk-ed Sasuke, squatting down to eyelevel.

"Well well, Sasuke-kun. You see? You're just bad at running! You ran from your past, and Itachi came back. You ran from Konoha, and you were dragged back. You ran from me, and now you won't get away…it's just too bad that you little friend here had to suffer because of your bad judgment."

His voice was soft, making Sakura's voice stand out even more.

'_No…fight, Sakura! Fight!'_

He pulled out an intricate seal, painted on a thin sheet of paper, and waved it in front of Sasuke's face. It was the soul transfer seal.

He tried to stop it, but the fear that crept into his body was too much, and Sasuke felt his body tremble.

"Are you scared, Sasuke-kun?"

His breath became quicker.

Orochimaru bent down, hovering Sakura's face over Sasuke's, and he gazed at the coveted swirling tomas. With just a slight movement, his lips brushed Sasuke's and his hands tore the shirt open to stick the seal on.

Sasuke's eyes fluttered. _'It's Orochimaru. It's Orochimaru. It's Orochimaru.'_ The mantra he chanted in his head didn't reach his body, as he couldn't help enjoying the feel of Sakura's lips on his own. He was too weak to fight back. She was too weak to fight back. And they had both paid the price.

**A/N:** Once again, sorry for it being so short, but it would seem too rushed if I put what will be in the next chapter, into this chapter, because I don't feel like doing fight scenes.

Do you guys want a happy ending, or a sad one? I'm leaning towards a sad ending…a very sad one…

**REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** the revision in chap 8 was minor. Her eyes were gold instead of black. And this is a sort of filler chapter. There's KakaSaku in it, though, so enjoy!

**Chapter 9**

It had been Tsunade who saved Sasuke. Orochimaru hadn't had the power to extend the barrier in a full sphere around them, so a quick earth jutsu had allowed her under the hospital and into the half-sphere of the barrier. Perfect timing, some would say, while others believed her to have arrived much too late.

She had put all her chakra into performing a temporary seal on Sakura, sticking the thin paper onto the back of the chuunin's neck. It had taken so much power that Tsunade's youthful façade had come down, revealing the saggy, wrinkled skin, the tired hazel eyes, the veins lining her neck and hands and feet….

From there, it had taken a full week of agonizing suspense and denial for full realization of what had to be done, to dawn on the Hokage.

'_I should've accepted her as an apprentice.'_

Tsunade was slumped in a chair by Sakura's futon. Her ANBU guards had set up a barrier around the room. No one was to be allowed in. No one. Her face was in her hands, dried tears leaving them slightly sticky and smelling strongly of salt.

"No…"

She had never personally known Sakura, barely even knew of her existence, but now…now she regretted that Sakura hadn't received training that could've prevented this. She regretted sending her on the mission without being fully informed. Regretted what would have to be done. Regretted everything.

"NO!"

No one deserved this fate. No one deserved this at all. Tsuande dry heaved and fell from the chair, landing on her hands and knees and trying to cough up the bile that had already come up several times. She clutched her stomach and lamented everything they had done to drive Orochimaru away. She should've dated him. She should've been nicer. She should've done _something_ to stop him from becoming what he became!

Tsunade slowly got up, pain gripping her insides like an ice cold hand, and she knelt by Sakura's bed. She took the girl's hand and peered at the pale, pain contorted face. Lifting a smooth hand, she stroked Sakura's face tenderly, like a mother.

"You don't deserve this, Sakura-san, and I'm sorry for everything I've done that may have contributed to this."

A tear was squeezed from Sakura's eyes. _'So she heard me, then.'_ Sakura's hand tightened around Tsunade's and she could hear the silent pleading of the unconscious girl.

_Don't leave me. Please stay. Don't let me go through this alone._

"I won't leave you, Sakura. Not alone. Not with _him._"

Quickly, Tsunade sent a chakra signal for the ANBU to let down their shield. She wouldn't leave Sakura's side.

"Bring the Rookie Nine and their sensei here! And bring…bring the Haruno family here as well."

The ANBU reacted instantly, three disappearing and the last staying to prevent entrance to the room. The summoned had arrived quickly, and Tsunade asked the former Rookie Nine to wait outside as she spoke to Sakura's parents. They looked calm and collected—much more than she herself.

"Haruno Kumiko. Haruno Ryou."

The two shinobi nodded. The pink haired woman glanced at Sakura, whose face was contorted in pain, and Tsunade followed her gaze.

"Um," she didn't know how to start. The last time she had uttered that syllable had been decades ago. "You're daughter…Haruno Sakura. I'm afraid I have some bad news."

Tsunade couldn't look at the girl's parents anymore, and instead stared at Sakura's pale, bony hand.

"On her last mission…she wasn't fully informed, to make the team's act seem more plausible. It was a mission to the Hidden Village of Grass, and there, she was abducted. Orochimaru of the Sannin…who now inhabits her body. There is a temporary seal on her and…I'm afraid that…"

She couldn't do this. She just couldn't. She couldn't be the one to tell them that the only way to protect the village would be to seal Orochimaru inside their daughter's body forever. She couldn't tell them that there wasn't even a _way_ to extract him without pulling her mind from her body as well. But there was no one else to tell them.

"I'm so sorry. Orochimaru must be sealed inside her body for the good of the village. There is…no way to extract him. He is rooted deep inside Sakura-san's mind."

There. Those words held _finality._ Tsunade felt as though she had given in, given up, just by saying those words. Words that she never in her life even imagined she'd say to an innocent girl of eighteen years.

Kumiko and Ryou didn't answer. They stood frozen, their eyes impossible to read, and the next words out of their mouth made Tsunade's mind whirl.

"If it's for the good of the village, my wife and I approve."

Tsunade felt her heart drop. She wanted to shake them, throw them, hit them, do _something_ to make them feel for their daughter. It had been horrible knowing that she had condemned a girl to such a fate while she had family and friends to she cared for and who cared for her, but it was even worse knowing that there was no one _to_ care.

'_The Rookie Nine.'_

"Get out," Tsunade hissed, her eyes narrowing in anger. The two shinobi didn't even object, they just turned and walked out. She gave a curt nod to the ANBU who she had seen as Ryou opened the door, and eight shinobi walked in, all ranging from chuunin level to ANBU. Aburame Shino and Inuzuka Kiba were still outside, their stance uncomfortable and their visible faces looked strained.

Tsuande repeated the words she had spoken to Sakura's parents, and received a much different reaction. Ino screamed, her eyes widening and tears immediately streaming down her face. Shikamaru held her, his face shocked and full of sympathy for the condemned girl. Chouji had dropped his chips and had a grimace on his face; he felt as though he would throw up. Asuma had a pained expression on his face and he gazed at Sakura with respect filling his eyes. She would suffer so the rest of Konoha would not.

Gai and Lee were hugging each other, sobs wracking each other's bodies, and Lee's cries rang throughout the room. He had never truly gotten over his feelings for Sakura. Neji had a frown on his face and Tenten clutched his arm. Her face was pressed into his shoulder and hiccups could be heard.

Hinata had collapsed, and though no tears fell, the look on her face was enough to crush Tsunade's heart. Kiba and Shino had heard from the doorway, and both had their blood drain from their faces. Kiba sorely wanted to comfort Hinata, but his nose wouldn't allow him any further near Sakura.

-0-

"Do you feel it? Do you smell it?"

Shino nodded slowly, a few bugs crawling out from under his long coat.

"Yes. My kikai…they won't go in. They say it's dangerous."

Kiba covered his nose, "Akamaru won't go in. I can't stand that smell…it's not death, exactly. It's Orochimaru. It's evil. I can't…go in."

The two watched and listened from the doorway.

-0-

And finally…Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto had his arms around himself and he was biting his lip, trying to keep the tears from coming. It didn't help. He felt as though he couldn't breath and his stomach was doused in ice as it dropped to his feet. Blood leaked from his pieced lips, and there was a faintly visible red chakra floating around him. The Kyuubi within was released slightly, just enough to cause Naruto to sink to his knees and howl in pain and loss, the dreadful noise passing through the barrier around the room and chilling the inhabitants of Konoha to their bones.

Sasuke's fists were clenched tight and his entire body was trembling. His Sharingan had activated and his breathing was shaky. He didn't cry.

Kakashi was still severely injured and recovering in his room, but he would be informed shortly that yet another person he had allowed close to him had been hurt.

-0-

Ino gripped Shikamaru's hand tightly as she walked shakily to Sakura's room; two days it had taken for her to gather up the courage and visit her old friend. Regret lined every bit of her body and she felt nauseas from guilt. The ANBU there recognized her and allowed her entrance. Tsunade was still there. Before the Hokage or Shikamaru could stop her, her hands were free and she was going through the hand seals for _Shintenshin no Jutsu._

"INO! NO!"

The voice faded as she rushed through the air and slammed into Sakura's body, memories flying past her as she reached Sakura's mind. Ino landed hard on the ground but pain had no time to register, as she quickly scrambled out of the way of a flying body.

Inner Sakura.

_-Ino!-_

_Ino gasped as she felt the air being drawn from her lungs. She couldn't breath! She clutched at her throat and stared at the dark tendrils of chakra slowly spreading from Orochimaru and sinking into Sakura's mind._

'_No!' her voice seemed tired and small._

_Orochimaru lunged at Inner Sakura, ignoring her, and thrust his hand through her leg, causing her to scream out in pain. Ino winced but called for Sakura._

'_SAKURA! WHERE'S SAKURA!'_

_Orochimaru laughed and threw Inner Sakura at Ino, knocking her down and causing her head to hit the ground. He advanced on her, ready to tear her soul apart, when her fear muddled mind made concentration falter, and she felt herself being pulled away…_

"SAKURA!"

Ino's eyes flew open and she gulped in the stale, hospital air. Ragged gasps were loud in her ears and she found that Shikamaru was holding her tightly, Tsunade close by, though still holding Sakura's hand.

"What were you doing, Ino! You could've lost your soul forever! WHAT WERE YOU DOING!" his voice was frantic, scared, so unlike him, and he shook her back and forth. Ino clutched at her boyfriend, her make-up smearing with her tears.

"Shika-kun. It was horrible. He's there, fighting her other self. She wasn't there. She wasn't there! You're always in the main mind room if you're asleep. You're always there. She wasn't! And—oh kami…" she trailed off and burst into tears again, her voice hoarse from screaming. It had been suffocating being in Sakura's mind. Suffocating…

-0-

Kumiko shut the door to the large bedroom she and her husband shared and she calmly walked to the bathroom, shutting that door too. Then she broke down.

"SAKURA!"

Sobs and screams echoed off the tile floor and the pink haired woman clutched her head, gasping for more air to scream with. It had been _her_ fault. She never had time to train with her daughter. She didn't even know who her daughter was anymore. The same thing had happened with Usagi.

A porcelain bowl holding multi colored rocks shattered against the mirror, sending a shower of glass and stones and white onto the floor.

If she had thought more of her family instead of just her duty… _'I always wished so much, so much that my parents were around more. I promised that I would never abandon my child. But look at me! I've done it twice already…'_

Kumiko pounded on the floor, sobbing, and slivers of glass bit at her skin. She deserved the pain she felt, but Sakura didn't deserve her fate. It had been Kumiko's bad parenting, bad training, bad preparation, lack of care. She had been a horrible mother.

'_I was horrible.'_

She had been a horrible mother.

'_I was horrible.'_

She had lost both her daughters.

'_Usagi's gone…and now Sakura.'_

She had lost both her daughters.

'_I never even got to mourn for my first child, and now, too soon, I must mourn for my second…'_

She was only in her mid thirties.

'_I've outlived both of my daughters, in mind or body…possibly both.'_

Her duty was to her village.

'_My heart should be for my children.'_

But now…

'_I have no children left.'_

-0-

Ryou downed the rest of the bottle of sake, throwing across the room and slicing it neatly in half with a shuriken; his drunken state hadn't impaired his aim at all. Then he went to work on the next bottle.

Dread filled his stomach and he chugged another bottle whole. The room spun and bright, colorful specks of light flashed in front of him. He had been harsh to Usagi and Sakura. He had been stern. He had been cold. He had been distant. And now…

'_There's nothing left.'_

-0-

Tsunade's hand hovered over the desk, the brush almost ready to drip onto the clean paper. Then there was one stroke. _'Kakashi's with Sakura. She's not alone.'_

Another stroke. She couldn't stand this. An innocent girl was having Orochimaru's soul locked within her.

Another stroke. Tsunade continued to push chakra into the brush. Each second seemed agonizingly long, and when an hour had finally passed and the symbols were drawn, she was numb to the pain that filled her. She set the brush down and stared at the seal, watching it dry.

'_I'm sorry you'll be trapped, Sakura. The most I can do is give you some semblance of control over your body.'_

Tsunade moved away from her desk and seated herself on the ground, slowly opening a sake bottle. She would drown her sorrows to the greatest degree possible. Then maybe…maybe things would get better.

-0-

Kakashi stroked Sakura's hand, turning the idea that possibly, just possibly, he had fallen in love with her, around in his head. It was just an experiment. He was supposed to help her feel.

'_I feel.'_

But things didn't go right. She began…affecting him. The touches and kisses. The soft looks and words. They began to make him feel…happy. Loved. Every time he saw her, his heart would speed up and he would feel the uncontrollable urge to smile. Every time he kissed her, he felt like he couldn't get enough and all else faded. Every time he saw her smile or laugh, he felt his own heart lighten.

'_Damn it. It was just an experiment.'_

He reached up to move a strand of hair from her face.

'_I wasn't supposed to feel. _She_ was supposed to feel.'_

Kakashi gulped, trying to stop his throat from tightening.

'_We had so much time. I had so much time.'_

His chest shook with suppressed sobs.

'_And now you have too little time.'_

Tears finally fell. The first time in years. Years and years and years. So much time…

'_Just like Obito.'_

He kissed her hand.

'_And Rin.'_

He kissed her wrist.

'_And otou-san.'_

He kissed her forehead.

'_And okaa-san.'_

He kissed her cheek.

'_And everyone else.'_

He kissed her lips, willing her to kiss him back.

"Come back, Sakura. Come back to me."

She didn't respond, but her fingers tightened around his slightly and Kakashi nodded.

"I'll wait. I'll stay. _I won't let go."_

**A/N:** TT I still can't decide what kind of ending I waaaaannnnntttt! Alright, that's it. **I'm going to do a sad ending with a happy epilogue**, but you don't have to read it, alright? This chapter was kinda choppy…


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** What I mean by 'sad ending happy epilogue' is that for those who want a sad ending, you don't have to read the epilogue, and the epilogue should be either happy or bittersweet. If it's the latter, I'll probably write a sequel following the aftermath and recovery of Sakura and Kakashi's relationship.

**Please check out my other work. Reviews will be appreciated!**

**Chapter 10**

There were sniffles and suppressed sobs throughout the room. Three weeks were almost up. The sealing spell was almost faded. Almost two weeks it had taken to store enough chakra and complete the necessary seals to trap Orochimaru in Sakura's mind, and now her close friends were gathered around to contribute their own chakra and watch the beginning of her personal hell.

There had been a mass funeral for those killed when Orochimaru surfaced—the bodies had been removed, and the rubble cleaned away. The village, unfortunately, had had to be informed of Sakura's condition and the result had been very much the same as eighteen years ago, when the Kyuubi had been sealed in Naruto.

'_Kill her!'_

'_She's a monster!'_

'_We must protect the village!'_

The hospital had been avoided like the plague, and small clinics had been set up far away from the main hospital because people were too scared to come in. Several beatings had occurred—mostly instigated by members of the Rookie Nine or their sensei defending Sakura.

Tsunade pulled the blanket back, revealing Sakura's pale body. It seemed to have lost half of the weight it had been before the mission to Grass Village, and her parents gasped, her mother dissolving into tears again. The mental strain it took to fight Orochimaru had extended to severe physical repercussions.

"Sakura…"

Sasuke hadn't spoken at all the past few days, and his voice was raspy for disuse. It had taken almost eight years for him to realize and accept his feelings for Sakura, and in a matter of days…she had been taken away from him.

But it wasn't really just a matter of days, was it? For how long had she been drifting further and further away? For how long had he never truly know her? The years spent with Orochimaru were lost, and how soon after his return had she begun falling? How fucking long had it taken him to realize it?

Sasuke didn't notice the tears slowly sliding down his face as he watched Tsunade paint symbols on Sakura's half naked body, sticking a piece of paper decorated with spells on her collarbone. Naruto was howling away in his own pain, not taking his eyes off Sakura. Kakashi put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed tightly. Sasuke suspected it was more of a comfort to Kakashi than himself, but he couldn't help but feel relief that he wasn't going through this alone.

'_Like with Itachi…'_

But Sakura had been there for that too.

Shizune had a hand on Tsunade's back and she held a glowing jar of stored chakra. If that proved to be too little, the former members of Team Seven would readily contribute more of their own. Shizune would control the flow of chakra to Tsunade's body.

Tsunade began sealing.

Iruka held Naruto as his shoulders shuddered violently and Ino watched on with horrified eyes. Shrieks she probably wasn't even aware she was emitting were being drawn from her throat.

_Orochimaru sneered at Inner Sakura as he felt his control over Sakura grow. The black tendrils of chakra were being soaked into her mind like water in a sponge. Sakura had pulled herself halfway out the door of her darkest times but he had enough power that she didn't matter anymore._

_All that mattered was—Orochimaru's eyes narrowed. He wasn't being soaked in…he was being pulled! Angrily, he summoned all the power he possibly could and resurfaced, pushing through the pain the half gone seal inflicted upon him._

Beads of sweat formed on Tsunade's forehead when she felt something moving in Sakura's mind. Thin, veined eyelids flew open and she nearly jumped back in surprise when gold peered out at her. They glared at her and frantically moved side to side, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Y-you sacr…sacrifice her…to t-trap…"

_Orochimaru howled in anger when he was pushed back into the depths of Sakura's mind. He had banked on Tsunade's benevolence to gain the time to find another vessel! He felt his power being drained by the sealing taking place outside, and he was attacked immediately by Inner Sakura._

-0-

Kakashi downed a shot of a honey brown liquid, nearly choking as his throat and eyes burned. Genma watched sympathetically as his friend wasted the night away, breaking down into fits of hysterical laughter or tears at almost regular intervals. Regular being unpredictable.

"We…had a relationship, you know."

Genma's eyes widened slightly at Kakashi's almost sober voice.

"She was dying. She was dying so much earlier than now. Losing motivation, hope. Couldn't stand everything that had happened and her mind was just _dying._"

Genma listened intently, his sympathy growing the longer he listened.

"I needed to help her feel. She couldn't die. Not like I had done. Not like so many other shinobi had. And not _for_ the reason she had. So I made her feel."

It made sense. Shinobi relationships were usually for physical needs, comforts that needed to be sated immediately. Death was always just around the corner for those who danced tantalizingly at the shores of the River Styx.

"It backfired. I think…I know I love her. As my student and maybe…maybe I'm starting to love her as more too. She hated being alone. She really, really hated being alone. Couldn't stand being left behind. And now…"

Kakashi laughed bitterly.

"Now she'll never be alone, will she? But she'll be alone with him."

He downed another shot and finally passed out. Funny how the drunkest he was, was the most sober he had been.

-0-

_Orochimaru found himself rooted so deeply in Sakura's mind that he couldn't come out. Wouldn't be able to take control. His anger grew at he stared at the cage of seals that had formed around himself. His chakra could still reach out, but it was so weak he couldn't stand it._

_Inner Sakura, the moment their fight had ended, had rushed to Sakura and dragged her out of the room. Half dead and sobbing, Sakura had been blubbering about Sasuke, and Orochimaru, and Naruto and Kakashi and Ino and Lee and Gaara and Usagi and…half of her had melted away._

_Sakura's right arm revealed her bone, which was slowly disappearing. Her right leg had melted and burned as had part of her left, and her face had melted into a mass of pudding like flesh that was dripping off her head._

-0-

"Again, Shika."

Ino performed the seals for _Shintenshin no Jutsu_ again and her soul flew at Sakura's body. This time, instead of bouncing back, it felt itself stick on the surface of Sakura's head as if there was some plasma stopping her from entering. Ino wriggled and finally wormed her way in, releasing a gasp as she felt herself fall to the ground.

_Ino screamed when she saw the snake like man's arm shoot at out her through the bars of glowing kanji and symbols, and she quickly scrambled away. There was a strong grip on her shoulder and she was hauled to her feel by none other than Inner Sakura._

_Ino threw her arms around Sakura's alter personality and hugged her tightly, reassuring herself of the reality of the girl. She glanced up and saw Inner Sakura's worried eyes. Her heart clenched painfully._

'_W-what? Where's Sakura? Sakura?' Ino murmured, calling for her friend. She followed Inner Sakura's gaze and felt sick when she saw the disintegrating pile of flesh and bones._

_She rushed over and knelt at her once-friend's side and nearly cried when she heard the incomprehensible mumblings of Sakura. Ino cradled Sakura's head in her lap and held her friend close, muttering soft reassurances and words of hope. _

_One of Sakura's eyes opened slowly._

'_Usagi…?'_

Ino felt herself being pulled away and she found her way back to her body, collapsing in exhaustion when she reached it. She had been gone for twenty minutes and Shikamaru had called Tsunade to them, worried that she had been attacked by Orochimaru or harmed somehow by the seal on Sakura. The consequences of Tsunade finding out about their secret attempts at entrance to Sakura's mind didn't matter.

"Usagi! Who's…Usagi?"

-0-

Naruto glared angrily as he was kicked out of another tavern. Apparently, when one was the former teammate of the vessel of Orochimaru _and_ was involved in underaged drinking, bartenders didn't like them.

"_KATON—"_

Out of nowhere, Sasuke grabbed his ear and dragged him—kicking and screaming and cursing—far away (with his ninja power) to a secluded park, where he dropped him roughly on the ground. He exuded anger partially directed at Naruto. Three reasons to be angry.

For one thing, he had tried to use _Sasuke's_ trademark fireball jutsu.

For another thing, you can't just go around burning down bars. They have alcohol in them. Alcohol explodes.

And lastly, it also reflected poorly on the Hokage, who was seriously considering making Naruto the Rokudaime. If their future hokage burned down random bars, Tsunade's sake might be seen as a problem that affected her judgement…

Naruto jumped to his feet and launched a punch at the Uchiha, the markings on his face more pronounced than before and his eyes slowly bleeding the red of the Kyuubi. His rage had directed itself toward the next person in his path. Sasuke.

"SASUKE-TEME! WHAT THE HELL'D YOU DO THAT FOR! THEY KICKED ME OUT AND THEY INSULTED SAKURA-CHAN!

Sasuke nimbly dodged Naruto's wild punches but was caught in the stomach by Naruto's kick. That would leave a bruise in the morning. Even in his slightly hysterical state, Naruto was a force to be reckoned with. His almost inexhaustible source of chakra and stamina mixed with the pure force of each and every one of his attacks made him extremely dangerous.

"Naruto! Get control of yourself!"

With one last swipe of his elongating claws, Naruto collapsed to his knees and hung his head, tears dripping down on the grass. "But…Sakura-chan…" His shuddering breaths were loud and he wiped angrily at his tears. He needed to be strong. For Sakura.

"But Sakura-chan doesn't deserve this!" he screamed, throwing his head up to glare defiantly at Sasuke. "Out of you and me and Kakashi…she deserves this the least. We've killed so many people," he stared at his hands in the pale moonlight, "so many people…but _she's_ the one that's punished."

Sasuke remained silent.

"And you…you never cared."

Charcoal eyes narrowed and Sasuke's gaze shifted quickly to Naruto, who was now rounding on him. "The only time _you_ ever cried for her was when Tsunade was sealing Orochimaru in. Now, you've just forgotten all about her! You don't care! You've trodden on her heart so many times…AND YOU NEVER CARED! YOU LEFT WITH OROCHIMARU! IT WAS YOUR FAULT HE TOOK HER! HE NEVER WOULD'VE COME IF YOU LISTENED TO US AND FORGOT ABOUT YOUR REVENGE. HE CAME FOR YOU! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

He leapt at Sasuke again, his claws shot from his fingertips and his center of balance shifted lower to make him lean forward in a beast like manner. Blazing with anger and overflowing with hate and pain at Naruto's words, Sasuke sent a large fireball at Naruto and activated his Sharingan.

As they fought, the thin strings that had held them together these past years…they frayed and frayed, and finally, broke. Sakura was gone. Kakashi was gone too. Naruto and Sasuke were at ends with one another. Sakura was gone. _She was gone._ The one thing Team Seven had in common, the one thing that brought them back to one another every time something went wrong…it was gone.

Sasuke fell to his knees before he could punch Naruto again—their fight had been going on for some twenty minutes already—and he clenched his hand around the grass. Tugging it out from the dirt, he punched the ground until the soft ground caved in and formed a hole under the insistent pounding of his fist.

Naruto was having an inner fight with his demon, trying to calm the bloodlust running through his veins. Sasuke glanced up at the faraway painful look in Naruto's eyes and felt himself shudder. _'That's what Sakura will be going through…'_

When his eyes cleared and his nails shrunk, Naruto slumped down on the ground behind Sasuke and leaned so their backs touched and supported each other. "I…hate you…you bastard…" Naruto murmured through his tears. Sasuke nodded, knowing that Naruto would feel it, "I hate you too, you stupid dobe."

And so, the two grieving brothers sat in the moonlight, supporting each other and crying…a release for the grief that overwhelmed them. Brothers by familiarity. Rivals by familiarity. Crying from loss of familiarity. The strings had broken and in their place, something new had developed. Something that was just as induced by Sakura as the previous strings had been. Something new and something stronger. Something better. They'd get through this together.

-0-

'_Usagiusagiusagiusagiusagiusagi…Usagiusagiusagiusagi…'_

_Sakura's mumblings didn't stop and she watched memories of her sister play over and over again before her eyes._

"_Sakura! Look at my giant forehead! AGH! I HAVE A ZIT! A ZIT ON MY GIANT FOREHEAD!" the twelve year old girl pointed at her first zit on her tan forehead. "Don't wear your forehead protector over your actual forehead. All the nasty stuff'll get trapped there. That's probably why I have a ZIT NOW!" Usagi raged and fumed, staring at the mirror. Her long dark hair flew behind her and her haori sleeves swung wildly side to side._

_Sakura laughed at her sister's troubles. She wouldn't need to go through them for another five or so years. "Come tie my obi, nee-chan!" Usagi poked her zit one last time and finally fed up with staring at it, stuck a bright bandaid on it, wincing at its intense…green-ness._

_They were going to a party by Maito Gai (who had just become ANBU), a friend of Kakashi's, who was a friend of Genma, who was a friend of Hayate, who was a friend her her's. An elaborate, emperor's yellow bow was then tied over Sakura's pale yellow haori and white shorts, her outfit similar to Usagi's loosely tied, dark red haori over a black shirt and black shorts._

_Sakura's eyes seemed to brighten at the memory. 'Maito Gai,' her lips were hard to part.—it was hard to speak 'Shoulda…shoulda told nee-chan than he'd take a liking to her bandaid color…shoulda told her not to use it…'_

_Sakura felt a warmth traveling up her left arm. A presence at her side. 'Am I…not a-alone?' She tried to move her fingers and found that she couldn't. The tingling faded and her eyes widened. Overwhelming panic. 'No…no, don't go. Don't go! Not alone…please, don't leave me alone.' More tears._

_Inner Sakura knelt by her creator and placed a hand on her head. Things needed to get better. She needed to heal. She had to get control. 'Wake up Sakura-chan. You need to wake up.'_

-0-

Genma locked the door and leaned against it, his face completely devoid of all humor as he watched the few nurses, shinobi, and civilians pass him in the newly renovated corridors. _Don't bother me. Don't bother him._ His message was clear.

Inside, Kakashi stood some feet away from Sakura's futon and stared at her still body. It seemed…more at peace, than before. He couldn't move at he gazed at her with seemingly blank eyes. He couldn't _touch her._ He couldn't do anything because it wouldn't _help._

Kakashi felt as though he had laid his heart and soul before Sakura's feet the moment he had walked in and he self consciously tugged his mask higher. Slow steps. One foot in front, then another. Journey of a thousand miles started with a single step. He felt as though he were traveling a million miles.

'_As far as I would need to, to get to you…as far as I would need to, to bring you back. To save you. To make you happy. To save you to save you. As far as I would need to walk I would do it, will do it…'_

It had taken ten minutes to cover the short distance to her futon and he lowered himself to his knees, then settled back on his calves. His hand hovered over her cheek, then moved down over her arm. He finally touched her at her elbow and slowly dragged his hand down to meet her own hand, which he held tightly.

Her pulse quickened and a shadow of scorn crossed his face. _'This is what I wanted…a reaction. This is what I had wanted. It's not enough anymore…no…I want her to be happy now. This racing of her blood, her heart, isn't enough anymore. Not anymore.'_

The pain he felt in his throat was too great and he lifted his hand, his stomach plummeting when he _felt_ her whimper. Shaking his head, Kakashi walked quickly to the door and unlocked it, throwing it open and stepping outside. Hurt. How could someone else leave him? Did he curse anyone who got too close to him? Obito? Rin? Sensei?

…Sakura?

Genma peered at the comatose girl and quietly slid the door shut before following his friend down the hall.

Inside, Sakura opened her eyes.

"Ka-Kakashi…please…don't leave me."

**A/N: **NOOOOOO! THAT'S NOW HOW I WANTED IT TO TURN OOOUUUUTTTTTT! I WANTED HER TO SPEAK TO HIM! NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **But, I guess this means the story will drag on a little longer…**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Once a week, at least. An hour, maybe two each time. Half a year already.

_I'll stay. I'll wait. I won't let go._

_I won't let go._

-0-

Ino had gone to the Konoha library, looking for 'Usagi.' A month she had searched and with the name popping up every other chapter in the books she read, she decided that she needed more specifics. And so, she decided to ask around. First, there was obviously Shikamaru. He knew nothing.

Chouji. There was a famous chef named Usagi Kimi. Ino doubted it was the same Usagi. Asuma. He had choked and his cigarette dropped out of his mouth as he panicked, asking how Ino knew about her. There was something in his pants, though. Ino had bolted right then and there, sure that the Usagi she was searching for hadn't been involved in one of Asuma's drunken escapades.

Neji. Nothing. Lee. Nothing. Tenten. Nothing. Gai. Shudder. Nothing.

Hinata. Nothing. Kiba. A relative in a non hidden village. No. Shino. Nothing. Kurenai. A pondering look and barely perceptible frown lines. Forgotten memory.

Sasuke. A faint recollection that he refused to elaborate on. Now she was getting somewhere.

Naruto. A happy memory that shone in the darkness of his past. He remembered very clearly one of the few people to show kindness to him in his early years, and his entire life. Bright green eyes.

Kakashi. Not found.

Ino went to ask the villagers. Jackpot.

"Excuse me! Mister!" Ino hurried over to the man, a retired shinobi if his flak jacket was any clue, and her hair flung wildly around her head. "Mister! Have you heard of a girl name Usagi? Connected to Haruno Sakura?"

The five months wasted. This whole day wasted. She was about to give up.

The man's eyes darkened and he straightened his back, his form still foreboding despite the missing arm. His voice was soft, dangerous…scared? "Why do you ask, little girl?"

Ino looked up at his face, not needing to shield her eyes from the sun as it was slowly setting behind the Hokage monuments. "I…Sakura's my friend. Usagi was important to her. I want to know…I need to know why. Who was she? What did she do? Is she still alive? Could she…help Sakura?"

The retired shinobi was turning away again and Ino's eyes widened. So long…she had searched so long and so hard. She couldn't give up now. "WAIT! Please…"

Her eyes shown in determination. Determination to find out. Determination to help Sakura. Determination not to cry. Not to give up.

"I won't give up."

The man stared at her, his eyes suddenly very, very tired, and he nodded in defeat. He gestured at the bench in front of his house upon which he had just been sitting and he walked away, a slight limp making his footsteps uneven. Ino tentatively sat on the wooden bench and waited with pounding heart and bated breath for the man to return.

'_I've finally got somewhere. Finally something to show for my searching. Finally…'_

He had a large envelope with a complicated seal painted on the back. With handseals done so quick her eyes didn't catch half of them, the man released some chakra and the envelope opened. He sat down next to her, his body sagging more tiredly than it had five minutes ago.

"Usagi…I didn't know her. Knew nothing of her until one of my missions. I was…only a chuunin. Young, new to the business. Thought it was all glory and honor. And then I saw…"

_The smell of burning human flesh and hair reached their noses and they all grimaced inwardly. After all, shinobi showed no emotion._

_The man, age seventeen, probably, with black hair and bright blue eyes, broke away from the group and searched the deserted playground. Then he saw it. What he had mistaken in the dark for perhaps a bush or a playground toy, became clearer and clearer as he neared it._

_Blistered flesh. Face twisted in such agony he felt it pull at his heartstings. Bits of her fingers had already turned to ash and fallen off to the ground. And there was something under her…_

"Are you sure you want to see? Are you sure you want to know? No more disillusions about ninja missions. No regrets?" the man murmured as he remembered back ten years.

Ino nodded, feeling thoroughly creeped by the manner in which the man was talking. "It's worth it."

"It was an assassination attempt to get to their parents. Usagi took her sister to the park. They attacked and…this is what was left."

He tossed the envelope to her.

_There was a little girl, unconscious but unhurt for the most part, under the brown haired girl. Their skin had melted together under the intense heat and boils had formed where their skin touched. The man walked forward, his eyes widening in terror, and he knelt in front of the two girls. _

_Another shinobi appeared, walking past him as if he weren't there at all, and with her katana, she sliced away the skin that was connected to the other girl. Blood sprayed and there was a sickening squelching sound. Pink hair. A relative? The man toppled over and retched on the ground._

Ino's hands shook violently as she held the pictures in her hand, read the report that had been written. The glossy paper finally fell from her hand and the scroll clattered on the bench. Shake shake sob. Hiccup shake sob. Shake shake sob. Screaming sob.

A nod and Ino shoved the pictures back into the man's hand before she sprinted away to home. Finally. Her wet eyes caught sight. Home. "Shika-kun…"

-0-

Kumiko stood at her oldest daughter's grave, holding a single calla lily in her hand. Ryou had his arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

"My baby…my poor baby."

Calla lilies had been her favorite. Something so elegant and peaceful about them. Tall, sturdy and delicate at the same time. Simple. Flowing. Ethereal. Special. It was her flower.

"She won't ever have to suffer again, Kumiko. Your baby, our baby…she'll never have to feel pain again."

There were a few scattered throughout the small, overgrown clearing, but Sakura had planted rose bushes in mass amounts. Most had died already. Thorns, she said, to keep the caterpillars away. Usagi hated them. Hated butterflies too. Moths, silkworms…. One of the odd fears she had. Along with her weird little quirks.

Like blood. Odd quirks like blood. She liked blood. Said the color was pretty. Once cut herself on the palm to watch herself bleed. So fascinated…such fascination. She was a shinobi through and through. A coin.

One side a killer, the other a lover. One side was cold, the other warm. War and peace. Darkness and light. All swirled within her body to create _Usagi,_ who could comfort anyone after a death and kill mercilessly. It happened once. Mislabeled mission.

_Killer._

But Sakura only saw the lover, the light, the peace, the warmth. Loved her for it. And in their last moments, such confusion. Was she yin or yang? Could she afford to revert back into a killer while her sister was there? Both were present in the fight. She was just a scared thirteen year old girl who had grown up much too fast.

"Not a baby…a shinobi."

She should never have become a shinobi. Usagi had honed herself to become double sided, a killer. As if it were a skill. She had always been happy and wild and free and pure and good. Forcing herself to split into something she should never have been, just to make them happy. To serve the village.

"Should've kept her our baby. Too much death already and we raised her to accept it…she should've still been our baby."

Both parents let the pain wash over them, drown them in its choking depths. They deserved it. Now…they were finally making up for lost time. They'd grieve for both their children.

Kumiko shook her head and turned around, hugging her husband with one hand. Usagi would be twenty three today. ANBU, they were sure. Possibly married. Instead, she was buried deep underground, decaying from the grotesque, mangled form she had died in.

-0-

"She was her sister, Shika-kun! Haruno Usagi, deceased age thirteen. Over ten years ago, Shika. She'd be twenty two or three now. Sakura-san never mentioned her to me. Not ever. But do you remember? Remember the girl that got rid of the bullies for her once? I never thought of it before." Ino spoke softly but excitedly to her boyfriend, clasping his hands in her own.

Shikamaru had to admit, he was surprised. But how would this help their cause? He frowned.

"Yes. Yes, I remember. We need more information. The Harunos."

-0-

Kakashi leapt through the forest surrounding Konoha and nearly breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the tall gates looming ahead. After a quick debriefing, Kakashi rushed to the hospital and made a beeline for her room. There were still very few people in that wing of the hospital, all due to Orochimaru's presence. It angered him to know she'd be shunned by most of the villagers.

'_Just like Naruto.'_

Kakashi sat in Sakura's room, as he had done every week, once a week, for the past six months.

"I really hate you, you know? All you ever do is complain, complain, complain. Who's the one who has to sha—ARGH!"

Kakashi watched on, a certain sadness in his eyes as Sakura continued babbling to herself. He suspected she was arguing with Orochimaru this time. One of her better days. She had finally woken up, yes, but she wasn't entirely…_sane_ anymore. Occasionally she'd space out and nothing could reach her. Sometimes she'd scream and clutch at her head. She'd talk to herself—full conversations.

And it hurt because he knew she couldn't do anything.

Very few times was she entirely lucid, but he planned on being there every time she was. A loud gong sounded four times throughout the village. Four o'clock. Sakura was jolted out of her internal conversation and her head whipped side to side, trying to locate the origin of the sound.

"Sakura."

She didn't seem to hear him.

"Sakura."

Her eyes passed over him as if he weren't there.

"Wh-who said my name!"

At least she heard him.

Kakashi took her hands in his, "Sakura."

With a jolt, Sakura's eyes met his and her face melted into a smile. "Kakashi-sensei! Did you hear that sound? What was it!"

He squeezed her hand when her eyes began glazing over again, "The gong, Sakura-chan. It rang four times. It means that it's four o'clock, remember?"

Sakura laughed. "Why do you call me 'chan'! I'm not a kid anymore Kakashi sensei! I'm fifteen years old! And I'm gonna pass my chuunin exam this time 'round!"

His stomach dropped. It was so much worse than Obito. So much worse than Rin. Than his father, than sensei. She couldn't remember. Her mind was _disintegrating. _And it was so much worse because she was there. So close he could touch her, feel her, talk to her.

'_But I can't reach her.'_

-0-

Ino and Shikamaru knocked on the door, both patiently waiting for Sakura's parents to open the door. It was Ryou, her father, to come.

"Ino," he faked a smile, "What brings you here?"

Her face stoic, Ino answered truthfully, "Usagi."

-0-

_Orochimaru found that after the cage of kanji and chakra formed around him, he had been pulled down so far into her mind and soul that he'd never be able to leave without taking her along, and the sealing had sealed both their souls in indefinitely._

_No way out._

_Soon after the sealing, however, the cage had weakened and he was allowed small tendrils of himself to float over and attack Sakura when it was in its usual state. He was still restrained, but certainly not as much as he had feared. If this was what he would end as—a parasite, feeding off of someone else's body as a separate soul, he'd be sure to torture Sakura as much as he could._

_The one drawback to this situation was that Inner Sakura had gained strength, preventing him from ever taking control of the body._

'_You're such a useless kunoichi. Not even worthy of the title. Being stuck with you is one of the worst fates imaginable. No chakra reserve large enough for the jutsu the genin of the sound can perform. No stamina. No willpower. Nothing. Useless waste of space and air,' Orochimaru sneered at Sakura._

_She was still in control of her body and she answered, her voice echoing throughout the room. 'I really hate you, you know? All you ever do is complain, complain, complain. Who's the one who has to sha—'_

_Sakura's body knitted itself together as her anger took over._

_There! A flicker in the bars of his cage and Inner Sakura was off somewhere in Sakura's mind. Orochimaru sent a wave of dark chakra out and hit Sakura, decaying her flesh to its previous state and causing her to cry out. She withdrew completely from the world, her weakness overcoming her, and she collapsed on the ground._

_Inner Sakura was there in a flash and she did her best to collect the chakra and shove it back to the seal, where it was neutralized._

'_Asshole! It's you're fault for being here in the first place!' she screamed, continuing to curse at Orochimaru. _

_Loud gongs echoed through her head and Sakura regained control. A faraway voice called out her name, but the ringing in her head blocked out the sound and Sakura's rotted eyes saw nothing. It came again and the ringing having faded, she reacted. 'Wh-who said that!' Where was the voice coming from?_

_A warm tingling at her hands. The voice again. Her eyes seemed to grow back, but a piece of her stomach melted away. She was fifteen again, conversing with her sensei. Inner Sakura was desperately trying to draw together enough memories of the past three and a half years to play for Sakura and bring her back._

-0-

Kumiko pressed her face into her hands. She, her husband, Shikamaru, and Ino sat in their living room with tea and small pastries in the center of the table.

"She was our baby, our daughter, our little kunoichi," the affection was obvious in Ryou's voice. "Only thirteen and she died. Ten years ago…. She was in Uchiha Itachi's class, if that gives you a better indication of her age."

Ino nodded, but pressed on.

"Was she important to Sakura?"

Ryou nodded but it was Kumiko who answered this time. "We were never home, always off on missions. Usagi would stay home and—" Kumiko's voice caught in her throat and rose an octave. "She would always take care of her. Made the bullies go away. Helped her with her homework. Spent time with her."

Ryou brought his arm around Kumiko's shoulder's and held her close, kissing her on the head. Feeling she needed to explain, Ino spoke up. "When I was in Sakura's mind, in May, everything was…chaotic, oppressing. The only thing she said—before I was pulled away—was 'Usagi'. It was the only thing that seemed to keep her sane…"

Silence.

"Well. We hope you have your answer," Ryou nodded to them, finality in his voice. The conversation was over.

Ino and Shikamaru both bowed before Sakura's parents and walked out of the home, both with a melancholy air around them. When Ino reached her house, she slumped against the door, defeated.

"What do we do now, Shikamaru? She's dead. There's nothing that we can do to help Sakura," despair seeped into her voice and she hugged her body, trying to fend off the cold that had filled her from the inside.

Shikamaru hated the look in Ino's eyes and he reached forward to place his hand on her shoulder to provide some small semblance of comfort. He remained quiet. There really was nothing to say. The information they learned wouldn't help Sakura at all. Wouldn't bring her back. If anything, it would make her withdraw into her mind even more so she could relive days of past.

Ino sniffed and Shikamaru opened his mouth, nothing coming out.

There really was nothing to say.

-0-

**A/N:** I don't think this chapter is too well written even after my revision.

Also, I think this chapter was a bit too Usagi-centric, so she'll be pretty much gone from the story soon.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Alright. This is the last chapter for those of you who want a sad ending (but I do warn that it leaves some questions unanswered), and there is one more for those of you who want a happy ending. **Please review if this is the end for you!**

**Chapter 12**

Ino was furiously scribbling seals onto a yellow notepad, all previous pages filled already, as Shikamaru slept in the chair by her. They had moved in together a year ago, a short while after they had spoken with Sakura's parents about Usagi. They were both twenty years old now.

With an angry snarl, Ino threw her pen across the room, sending a barrage of kunai after it, thoroughly slicing it and imbedding several into the wall. Shikamaru woke with a start and glanced at his (hopefully) soon-to-be-fiance. "No progress, Ino?"

Ino collapsed into her chair and held her face in her hands, pushing them up into her hair and gripping her hair at its roots tightly. "I can't find a way to seal it! We've been at this for a year, Shikamaru! I'm so close to just…giving up."

'_Why didn't I forgive her?'_

Monkey, Rat, Serpent, Rat, Dog, Ram, Hare, Tiger, Tiger, Horse, Monkey, Dragon, Tiger, Boar, Bird, Rat, Ox, Hare…

'_Now it's too late.'_

"Ino…"

'_We can't save her.'_

"Manually…you can try to extract Orochimaru…"

'_So much lost time.'_

"But it's high risk."

'_So much _wasted_ time.'_

"And it's even higher trying to extract him or block him out all at once.

'_But I have to…'_

"There's still one way…"

'_I have to try.'_

"It's still high risk."

"I have to try." Ino's muffled voice came from her bowed head. "I have to try, Shikamaru. I have to try and make things right. I have to fix things."

Shikamaru let a shadow of a smile grace his lips and he placed a hand on Ino's shoulder. Quietly, he repeated again, "There's still one way…"

-0-

Naruto sent a final punch at Neji and sent him flying before he too fell to his knees. Hinata was sparring with Tenten on the training grounds next to them, and explosions had ceased to come from there some thirty minutes ago. The girls were probably relaxing in tree branches, enjoying the cool breeze while their two boyfriends were trying to tear out each other's throats.

Meh, it was fun.

It wasn't often that Naruto got high class missions with much fighting, anymore. It seemed that Tsunade was specially training him to become the next Hokage, and he had been sent on more and more diplomatic missions, sometimes accompanied by Tsunade herself.

Naruto highly suspected that that was the only reason Hiashi had allowed his first born and once-heir to the Hyuuga clan to date one such as himself, but it didn't affect his and Hinata's relationship in any way, shape or form. They had become a steady couple a few months after Sakura's…incarceration.

Naruto needed someone to support him as he lost one of his teammates a second time, and Hinata had been there for him. They both visited Sakura once a month, but both suspected that Sakura didn't even notice their presence. If she did, she didn't recognize him.

"Naruto-kun! Neji-niisan! You need to go get washed up! We're going to dinner with Hiashi-san, remember! Tenten and I have already dressed!"

Naruto groaned and he glanced at Neji, who lay supine on the ground, sweat pouring down his face and neck. He cast a tired glare at Naruto. Stupid fox who didn't know when to quit…. If he just hadn't done that _one last attack_, both may have had enough energy to get up and shower.

"Baka Naruto…"

Naruto grinned as cheekily as was possible when he felt that even breathing was too tiresome and Neji rolled his eyes.

"NEJI! NARUTO! HURRY UP BEFORE I KUNAI YOUR ASSES!"

-0-

Sasuke cradled his four month old child in his arms and tenderly stroked her cheek. The baby cooed happily at the attention and gurgled, causing Sasuke's face to soften.

Love…hadn't been important, then. Not important at all. He had lost his chance anyways. Now he needed to revive the clan, and what better way to do it than a marriage with one of the most powerful clans in Konoha? Sakura…his heart still ached when he thought of her. His wife—he would never tell her, but one of the reasons he had decided to court her was her uncanny resemblance to Sakura. Same bone structure, some height and weight, loud and cheerful as well…and then he realized that he was in love with a dream.

The real Sakura hadn't been happy since their genin days, if even then. The image of Sakura he clung to was like a photograph—one moment of happiness that had been left behind and forever entombed in the past. Nevertheless, as senseless and pathetic as he knew it was, he couldn't let go. She had been a small, albeit annoying light when he was being consumed by darkness and he would love her forever for that.

"Sakura…"

His daughter squealed and he felt his chest clench. He wanted her to be _their_ daughter. His and Sakura's. The way she had wanted years ago. The way he wanted now. But it was too late, and the only thing he could do was name his daughter after the beauty he had always loved, and always would love.

Sasuke tenderly kissed the infant on her forehead and set her back into her crib. His wife walked in and laid her head on his shoulder, linking her arm around his. She gazed at her daughter and smiled softly, "Uchiha Sakura."

-0-

"Kakashi?"

Kakashi gripped Sakura's hand tighter, unwilling to let go. Yes, something had definitely changed in those months they had been together.

"Sakura…"

She was back. You could tell from her voice, her eyes. The sag in her face…this was one of the times _she was there._

"What happened? These days I've been…gone. How's Naruto? Sasuke? Ino? My parents?" desperation gripped her voice. To have been cut off from the world. A piece of warped glass separating her from the rest of reality. sitting there in front of her.

"Naruto's fine. He and Hinata are happy together. Sasuke married one of the members of the Hyuuga main family. He's begun to revive his clan. One child already and another on its way. Ino is happy with Shikamaru. She's been promoted to jounin and has her own genin team, and Shikamaru made ANBU a while ago. Your parents are fine, and both teach at the academy now. Iruka's become the headmaster of the school."

Sakura moved from her futon to press herself closer to Kakashi.

"Do you feel?" he murmured as he hugged her tight.

_Make her feel._

_Don't let her fall._

_Not like you._

_Not like me._

_This can't happen to her._

_Not like it did to me._

"Do you feel?"

_How odd things have become._

He whispered to her that Asuma had died on an A-class mission.

_In trying to save you._

He told her of Tenten and Neji's engagement.

_I saved myself._

He spoke of everything.

_But why is it that…_

Shino made ANBU and Kiba, jounin.

…_it seems as if nothing has changed for you?_

Kurenai had left months ago for an undercover mission and Genma had lost an arm.

_And why has a simple game of touches and kisses…_

Lee and Gai had gone off to travel and bring back information on the technological advancements of other villages, both civilian and shinobi.

…_suddenly become entangled with emotions?_

Aishteru.

Sakura's tears soaked into Kakashi's mask.

"Aishteru."

And she clung to him.

"Aishteru."

He was her sensiei.

"Aishteru."

He was her friend.

"Aishteru."

He had been more.

"Aishteru."

And now he seemed to be her only connection to reality, to sanity, to life. Now she saw that he was the same as her…isolated, whether from success or failure, still isolated from the ones each loved. Now she saw familiarity, and the seemingly superficial relationship they had before had grown to the point where she could truthfully say,

"Aishteru."

It hadn't sprouted from the heart. It hadn't grown with happiness. It hadn't blossomed with romance.

It had sprouted from desperation. It had grown with angst and doubt and fear. It had blossomed with time and realization and loss. And here they were in love.

Kakashi gave Sakura a searing kiss that he poured all his love into, and prayed that it would be enough to bring her back. Back to sanity. Back to Konoha. Back to him. Back to the happy ending she had always dreamed of.

But life is no fairytale, and not every story ends happily ever after.

Sakura's eyes glazed over and a blank smile stretched across her face, just as it had so many times before. "Hello, mister! What's your name? I'm Sakura. It's my birthday today! I just turned seven!"

-0-

**A/N:** alright, so for those of you who really want all ends tied, read the next chapter. For those of you who are satisfied with this, then:

**FIN**


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"_It's too deep to dig out, even if you go in and do it yourself."_

It had been approved by Tsuande.

"_It's so encompassing that any attempt to pull it all out at once would pull her mind from her body as well."_

It had been approved by the council of elders.

"_It meanders across so much of her mind that it's impossible to only block _Him_ out."_

It had been approved by the clan leaders.

"_So our last choice…"_

But she wasn't sure she approved of it.

"…_is to block all of her out and let her start with a blank slate."_

Because that would mean losing the girl she had befriended eleven years ago.

"_We block out all memories, all aspects of the mind she has now. Put a barrier over it and give her complete and total amnesia down to the basics of her life, and let her live again."_

And she wasn't sure she could bear losing Sakura a third time.

"_Give her a fresh start, one not tainted by Orochimaru, or plagued by fears and insecurity."_

Ino watched Tsunade form scores of hand seals and saw glowing chakra at her hands. Naruto was there. Shikamaru. Hinata. Sasuke. Kiba and Shino watched from beyond the doorway. Lee. Neji. Tenten. Chouji. Gai. Kumiko. Ryou. Iruka. An elder. All main clan leaders. There was a bright flash of light and all witnesses felt raw power wash over them like a wave of water. Naruto had to fight to keep the Kyuubi in.

When the light faded, Sakura was sleeping peacefully on her futon, breathing more freely than minutes before, and the frown lifted from her face. Ino felt tears prick at her eyes—in joy or sadness, she didn't know. After all, it had worked.

-0-

Kakashi cursed the mission for taking so long. Four months. He rushed as fast as he could to Sakura's bedside. His debriefing could wait a few more minutes. When he finally reached her room, his jaw clenched and his fists shook. She was gone.

He drew every last drop of hope from his heart and using the last of his chakra, he transported himself to the house Sakura once lived in with her parents. He flung open the door to the house and found himself face to face with Sakura, alive and well.

He felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders and his first real smile in months lit his face. Then reality came crashing down around him and his heart nearly stopped at her next words.

"Who are you?"

-0-

Three years had passed and Kakashi could feel himself slowing down and bowing to the passage of time. He was in his mid-thirties already and he found that he had fewer missions to go on, possibly due to the sympathy of the Rokudaime, Uzumaki Naruto. This, of course, meant he spent more time in the village.

Sakura and he had become close, she eventually figuring out that the two of them had had an odd sort of relationship. She had kissed him after he confirmed it, and pulled away whispering that she would be willing to try it, as the emotions she felt around him were too strong to ignore.

The morning light crept through the cracks in the bamboo blinds and fell directly on Kakashi's eyes, causing them to slowly pull open. He groaned and buried his face in a mess of pink hair, pulling the woman beside him closer to steal her warmth.

_Comfort._

Sakura awoke at the movement and turned so she was facing her silver haired husband. Her eyes fluttered open, revealing sleepy green irises. With a small smile, she kissed him on his chin. Kakashi raised an eyebrow and before she could react, his lips had crashed upon her own.

_Love._

Absently, as he continued to attack her lips, he realized that even after five years, from the seventeen year old girl that had been dying from the inside, she could still—

'_Make me feel.'_

**Fin**

**A/N: Sorry this chapter came up so late. Document manager was being a pain…**

**If there's anything you're still confused about or you feel I haven't answered (whether her father saw her and Kakashi, why was the blue haired guy in there, why put in that she could do one handed seals) send it in a review.**

Well, there you go. I'm not too sure I like this ending, but at least I found a way to solve the Orochimaru problem. I don't see how I can do a sequel to this, but I definitely want to continue in the Naruto fanfiction section. Check my profile to see works that I'm working on or am planning on working on.

**Shameless promotion of my works:** The next fic I expect to have up is called Seven Deadly Sins. More like a series of one-shots strung together with the common thread of the seven deadly sins. About how different characters react to a bad mission. All I need to do is write pride and re-edit everything. Then the entire story will be done. Put me on you author alert of you're interested.

**Summary:** Seven deadly sins. Four missions gone wrong. Sometimes things don't always go the way they're planned. Sometimes you have to deal. Some people do it differently than others.


	14. Explanations

Wow, I completely forgot about this story! Sorry I never answered any of the questions posed. Re-reading it makes me realize exactly how much was missing, and how confusing it got at times. Here's a quick summary (what I can glean from what I wrote 6 years ago!)

The idea is that Usagi, Sakura's older sister, was once her idol and best friend. But one day, at the park (after Sakura's parents yelled at her for having 'low stamina' in class), the two of them were attacked, presumably to be kidnapped and used to draw their parents out. Usagi, being a chuunin and a pretty successful nin, protected Sakura and used a lightening jutsu to ward off the attacker. Unfortunately, she didn't have enough control over it and it killed her as well. Sakura didn't cope with the death well. After the funeral, she met Sasuke, which later accounts for her infatuation with him. Over the next few years, the bullying at school and the trauma from her sister's death became too stressful for Sakura, so she created 'inner sakura', who held all the memories of her sister's death at bay. Inner sakura was a way for Sakura to vent stress and protect herself from previous trauma.

But after Sasuke left, and all her peers became stronger, and especially after she was refused apprenticeship, Sakura started becoming depressed. Kakashi finally noticed this and decided to try and bring her back by giving her something to hold on to (even if it was just physical).

After they'd been together a while, Tsunade sent them on a mission to Grass. It was expected that Grass would turn on them, but Tsunade wanted them to scout out the hidden village and report back, trusting that they were strong enough to get out. This here is probably one of the biggest plot holes. I'm not sure I thought it out thoroughly when I wrote it, so let's go with the explanation I just gave here. Sakura was used to 'soften up' the team's look, and trick the Grass village into a false sense of security. But they were tricked, and it turns out Orochimaru had already possessed a Grass nin's body. This Grass nin then plotted with the rest of Grass (unaware that Orochimaru had possesed him) to kill three of Konoha's best nin. Orochimaru meant to use Sakura to lure Sasuke, or another strong vessel, to him.

The images of her 'mind' was written with lots of creative license. The idea is that when all three of them (Orochimaru, Sakura, and Inner sakura) were all in her head, they manifested as if they were physically there. So Inner Sakura tried to fend off Orochimaru, but was overpowered. Orochimaru then sent Sakura away from the "main room" as Ino called it, and into a room where she relived her memories (esp that of Unagi's death). Those were memories Inner sakura had kept hidden for years. Orochimaru took over Sakura's body and tried to enter Sasuke's, but was sealed inside her as Kyuubi had been sealed in Naruto. By this point, Sakura had basically gone crazy from torture (symbolized by her decaying mind/body) and all that was left were old memories. When her body 'healed', she was lucid. But Orochimaru managed to harm her even in his 'cage' and she would revert back to being crazy again.

In the end, Kakashi realizes he loves her (well duh). And in the epilogue, all her memories are sealed away and she's given a 'clean slate'. She falls back in love with Kakashi and they get married.

Hope this answers your questions! I'll go over some of the questions in the review to see if I can answer some.

Timber wolf of purity: i'd like to think they did have a kid in the end

BotS: I kinda forget who I meant the blue haired guy to be (just some random Grass dude, i guess); again, i forget if Ryou saw or now (sorry!), and the one handed seals was meant to represent how big a part of Sakura Inner Sakura had become. She was basically like a split personality; she could control one side of Sakura (the part that controlled the chakra) and the real Sakura would just complete the task by releasing it through a one handed jutsu (didn't even need 2 hands bc inner sakura did the rest of the work).

**Sorry I'm like, 6 years late in this explanatory chapter... Thank you guys, all, for giving me such wonderful, encouraging reviews. I really appreciate it. And if any of you are interested in Avengers, I started up ff again and am writing a Hawkeye story. Thanks again, everyone!**


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